Scared to introduce my partner to my family as they are racist?

[Pearly999]

My family are very strict Orthodox christian from Romania, especially my father. They emigrated before i was born, however have always remained shut off from other societies. I met my boyfriend at work when we were both in our twenties, we got along very well and grew an amazing relationship. I am really happy with him and he is with me, we never argue or fall out, always have such a laugh together. He is Muslim, though doesnt follow the teachings strictly (he still drinks etc). After my dad saw a picture of my boyfriend (a family friend showed him), he lost his temper and went on a long argument about how muslim men have no respect. Since he has made constant racist remarks about muslims and arabic men, as offensive as someone can get. the family are trying to put me off by saying me how how his family will never accept me because i am white, how he is just using me and i am nothing to him. It is also making me paranoid now because all of the things he is saying about muslim culture being against christians, saying i am wasting my time etc. I dont really know where to go from here, other members of my family are happy about the relationship but only a few cousins. The others dont want to talk to me until i 'sort this out' aka end things. what would people suggest to do, do families eventually get over things like this? i don't want to upset my boyfriend by telling him as hes excited to meet my family.

I'd personally tell my family to get to fuck.

Tell your family that it’s your choice who you date

Consider whether you really want these racists in your life

Introduce them in a public place like a restaurant and then have little to do with them until they change their tune. I have no patience for racists.

I agree with the above, consider whether you want racists in your life.

Do you get along well with your boyfriend's family OP?

A Muslim man can marry a Christian woman without her having to convert to Islam.

Do you live in the family house OP? If you have your own place and your own income, then go NC.

Relationships between people of different faiths or cultures can be difficult. BUT they can also work. It's nobody else's business but your own.

Absolutely don't introduce them. How could you put someone you love in a position like that.

Tell them they can support you or they can shut the fuck up. 'You've already made your opinions perfectly clear so let me make mine clear, do not ever speak to me like that again. I shall date whom I choose when I choose to. If you have a problem with that then it's your problem, not mine. If you can't say anything nice, keep it to yourself. Or, fuck off'.

The problem is greater than your partners feelings op. It's that there are people in your life who are disrespecting your boundaries. Who are controlling.

They might actually be right about him being a poor choice though - but because people who grow up controlling parents, often go on to date controlling partners.

Oh and absolutely do not make your partner spend time with them. Just be honest with him.

But don't ever let one party make you choose between them or the other. You make the choices who you keep in your life.

That sounds really hard OP. I would have the same worry about my dad. I'm not sure what my advice is except stay rooted in and in touch with what you actually want and also perhaps lay some boundaries with your dad before/if they meet (.e.g well leave if you say anything rude). I'm sorry, this must be hard x

Whatever you do, do not ever inflict these people on your boyfriend. He doesn't deserve that. The truth is that you have to choose between your family and your partner.

@Aquamarine1029

Whatever you do, do not ever inflict these people on your boyfriend. He doesn't deserve that. The truth is that you have to choose between your family and your partner.

No she doesn't.

But she would be wise to choose between HERSELF and those family members who are giving her ultimatums and being generally toxic.

If you have a great relationship with BF, then you should be able to discuss this with him. As your family have said, it may also be an issue with his. TOGETHER, you and BF need to discuss how to handle this. If its a deal breaker, or a family breaker. He knows far better than they, what his attitude to women is.

It would be really unfair to him, not to let him know what your family thinks. BEFORE they meet.

What does your partner think?? You both need to be tight, and need to handle your parents together. Be absolutely honest, and that it's likely to be a him or them situation, and you need his support.

How long have you been with this man? Have you met his family?

I wouldn't introduce them to him at all. Disgusting!

How has his family reacted to this relationship? I understand that you may wish to cut off from your family but if the relationship breakdown with DP later on you could find yourself very isolated. Those with a strong religious conviction often view other religions with dis trust which may possibly never be eradicated. Tread slowly, your family may just come round, given time.

Your family's attitude is appalling, but I'm another who wonders what the reaction of his is
Just like everyone else muslim families vary, and unless they're very liberal there could be equal bigotry coming from the other direction too

Your family are not behaving like Christians.

If you and your boyfriend are not overly religious and you get on, that's all that matters.

Those are not Christian values. Racism is not a Christian value.

Does your father see the irony in accusing someone of being disrespectful while calling them names and accusing them of stuff, having never met them?

If you are both happy, that is the important thing. Don't force your family on him if they will be anything but welcoming and kind. Let them know why you have to distance from them - because of their very un-Christian opinions and lack of respect for others.

I'm Christian and my partner Muslim. We fortunately have accepting families although both sides had concerns. But just as a side note to your family issues, we absolutely do work. We have 3 kids and have been together 6 years. It took some compromising on both sides but our kids now enjoy Christmas and Eid and we are both actively religious. I dont even consider the differences in our relationship anymore as we found our way and get on pretty good, just to add some positivity to your situation!