Partner doesnt seem to care about my kids safety

[Cloud1]

I have been with my partner for around a year and I have two children from a previous relationship. Current DP has no kids and little experience of kids.

Anyway I've noticed that he has little regard for their safety. For instance when we took them to the park he was pushing my 5 year old on the swing (who has NO sense of danger) and he was pushing him so high that the swing was almost tipping upside down, the chains were actually going slack at his highest point as he was almost upside down. I kept telling him to stop but because ds was laughing/screaming DP kept laughing and continued to do it. DS1 (sensitive child) was screaming at him to stop saying hsi brother was going to fall and even another woman came across and told him that she'd seen kids fall off the swings at that height as she had seen me getting agitated. He finally stopped and later apologised but why would he do that? is it lack of experience or something more sinister?

Other times he's flicked bleach water in DS's face (later saying he didnt know it had bleach in but it was water out of a bucket, surely he knew it wasn't exactly clean?) and he sprayed suncream all over his clothes whilst at the beach in summer for a laugh but it all stained.

He just seems to do dangerous stuff to them all the time and acts as if he's just trying to make them laugh but it all seems so clumsy I cant work out whether he genuinly doesnt realise?

Omg- it sounds a bit sinister - very worrying.

Hmmn..is he clumsy and has a "gung ho"/ doing things without thinking attitude in other aspects of his life that doesn't involve the kids? Could just be thoughtlessness and inexperience if so.

swings thing is clearly dangerous. Bucket and suncream sound like someone who enjoys practical jokes and doesn't think about the consequences.

Are you happy to supervise him constantly when he's with your children? Sounds like that's what he needs. Which would be too tiring for me to contemplate.

You can't necessarily expect a childless person to have the honed reflexes of a non-parent - that ability to scan surroundings for danger that you develop with babies and toddlers - but you can expect them to listen to the parent of whichever child they are looking after and to learn from mistakes. If he can't do that, and isn't taking you seriously when you explain, then he should be toast.

he often does things without thinking. He's very impulsive, will buy things when he knows he has no money, once threw a cricket ball to me as a laugh (to avoid DS getting it) but neglected to tell me so it hit me in the face and blooded my nose.
He often breaks stuff too as he's so clumsy physically.

hmm not sure - he may just not realise the limits unless you tell him. What was hte stuff in bucket form - if outdoors then perhaps can understand a mistake if for cleaning the bathroom not. Suncream is daft but then how many of us have got clothes with marks having not realised. maybe he just is one of those who doesn't think through the consequences in the same way as one more used to raising kids looks out for them.

If he's like this in other aspects of his life as you describe then it doesn't sound too sinister. (Go with your gut feeling though - these are usually right!).
Have you spoken to him about his behaviour with the kids?

TBH if you feel he does not care about your childrens safety the you're probably right and you should not ignore this. He does not sound very responsible with anything including money.

Is he living with you?. All of this sounds familiar...

Sounds like hostility disguised as a joke.

The fact that he didn't stop when you told him to is bad news IMO. If what he did was bad enough that a stranger came and said something it must have been a pretty disturbing scene.

don't ignore. i'm worried that he ignored you.

Agree with Elizabetth, he may even be subconsciously jealous of your kids.

I'd be worried by the fact that he ignored you about the swing.

Maybe it's time for a serious talk iwth him, set down some ground rules, like always stopping if you tell him to, and you having the final say about anything to do with your kids.

Oh FFS get rid of him.

He doesn't listen to you and he splashes bleach at your kids? How good a fuck is he anyway?

I have no patience with this sort of thing, sorry. He is a prick, he hates your kids and he's got no respect for you. Why on earth do you want him around. No one normal splashes bleach around or scares a kid, this isn't normal inexperience, this is a psycho git. Get him out of your life. And out of your children's before he does some long term damage to one of them.

How old is he?

Do your kids like him?

Do your friends like him?

What does your family think of him?

What would you have done with your relationship if your child had fallen off the swing and hurt himself or died?

Message withdrawn

I really think you should seriously consider whether you should continue with this relationship.

He sounds very childish - does he have lots of good points?

I have teenage nephews and nieces who would never behave like this - they are not experienced with children, and have no children of their own, but would never behave in the way your DP has.

I think you've got yourself a 3rd child there Cloud1 only with this one, you can give it back, so do it, quickly!

swing thing not good. But the other two episodes are just high spirits getting out of control. Not hostile, just daft.

it might be reckless and careless etc. but to jump straight to "sinister" sounds very OTT.