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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex boyfriend doesn’t want to get back with me but buying me gifts???!!!!

9 replies

Destiny29195 · 28/02/2022 17:32

So me and my ex boyfriend broke up in November 2019 (together 2 years) . He contacted me in july 2021 and we had ended on "okay" terms, we had a few friendly chats around the start of 2020 but we went almost a year with zero contact. When we first started talking it was friendly but then it started escalating and things were getting flirty and he was eager to meet up. I had mentioned about us getting back together and he expressed that he wanted to wait until we met up. He would always accuse me of leading him on because it had been 2 months since HE messaged ME and I wasn’t ready to meet up yet so he’d get in a mood and say I’m leading him on and try give me ultimatums :/ Anyway, about a month of him basically begging to meet up, we finally did (September 2021) I really regret this but we ended up having sex. The next day he messaged me saying he doesn't want to be in a relationship, I honestly felt terrible and used. I was in a bad place at the time in general and I later decided that I didn't want a relationship atm
either and just wanted friends with benefits, I thought it wouldn't be as stressful. But then be got super controlling, he wanted to know what I was doing, who I was talking to, he’d try to go through my phone, asking where
I was (he gaslit me in to sharing my location) also he can go out with friends and I wouldn't hear a single word from him for 8 hours, but when I don't reply for an hour he's blowing up my phone -_- he wanted relationship benefits without being in a relationship. He eventually stopped
calling/texting as much as he used to, he would be cold and distant and less affectionate, he even stopped having sex with me lol, I’d always find him doing/saying things just to trigger me. I
felt so lonely and ridiculous, everything was always my fault according to him, he never took any blame for anything. He then started telling me he would like to marry me :/ I was confused af, it almost felt like emotional and mental abuse. January 2022 I had enough and wrote out a whole paragraph expressing my feelings, I was getting mixed signals because who tells someone they’ll marry them but don’t want to even commit to a relationship?! :/ I basically said I need to know where I stand and if he don’t wanna be in a relationship with me then I don’t want to continue wasting time arguing with someone every single day that I’m not even in a relationship with and not even having sex with, I just felt like an emotional punching bag, just someone he can take his anger out on after a bad day :/ I’d ask when am I seeing him again and his response would be “idk I’ll let you know” but was always going out with his friends.. anyway, he didn't care and didn’t take me serious so I told him I don't want to be in this situation anymore and don’t want to talk. the next day he messaged me “good morning love hope you slept well” as if nothing happened and I didn't respond. He even threatened to call my mom if I don't respond to his calls/texts, he even contacted me on a whole different number and a whole new instagram account :/. He has sent me 2 gifts now and I'm not sure why because he never got me gifts before. Has anyone been in a situation similar to this before?!

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 28/02/2022 17:38

Block him and go No Contact.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/02/2022 17:42

Block him. Have zero contact. Refuse delivery of any gifts.

Literally no good can come from any contact whatsoever with him.

Aprilx · 28/02/2022 19:59

No I haven’t been in a situation like that and wouldn’t let myself be. There will be no good ending to this, it is unhealthy and sooner or later it will come to an unpleasant end, might as well make it sooner.

RantyAunty · 28/02/2022 20:04

Block him everywhere.
Refuse any gifts.
Call the police if he persists.

NotaCoolMum · 28/02/2022 20:44

You sound young- this is not how a healthy relationship works. For the love of god please block him and move on x

Fernandina · 28/02/2022 20:47

Oh blimey, love. He's dangling you like a puppet on a string and is only interested in you because he can get sex when he feels like it.

Just tell him to fuck off.

iwishu · 28/02/2022 21:38

He just wants to use you, because you've given in before, he'll try it again but hopes by giving you a gift you'll be tricked into seeing him again, then he'll be off again. The only way is to block everywhere, hang up on him, don't talk to him at all. If he's stalking you then report him.

AgentJohnson · 01/03/2022 02:47

You are asking the wrong question, it isn’t why does he do x,y,z? The question you should be asking is, why do i put up with his crap?

He does what he does because messing with your head is sport for him and your only value to him is being his emotional punching bag. As others has said, block and move on. Don’t reply to his messages and don’t initiate contact.

supercali77 · 01/03/2022 07:12

He's abusive and controlling. He wants you when and how he wants you but you aren't allowed any agency at all. When you've decided to cut it off he's gone into a spin trying to get you back...its just more control tactics. He has more than a few narcissistic traits

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