What do you make of this...

[Shotinthedark2022]

My boyfriend and i were out and abouy the other day,when he saw a lot of litter that had been left on the side of the road.He hates it when people litter.He turned to me said..if you chucked litter out of a car window.i would finnish with you..i was astounded! Firstly,i don't litter,and secondly that he would terminate our relationship just like that.I told him i was shocked that he would say such a thing.He shouted ..give it a rest.I have to say i am still so upset by this.Am i just being silly.I find sometimes he belittles things i say also.I don't know if i am just blowing this all out of proportion..What does anyone think?

It sounds like he was goading you into a fight of some sort. Is he normally like this.

If he shouts at you and belittles you, there’s your actual problem. Why would you stay in a relationship with somebody who treats you like that? Stop focusing on the littering issue, it’s not the crucial indication that this is a crappy relationship.

General shouting and belittling, no, don't bother with him. Dumping someone for chucking litter out of his car however, I entirely agree with, so he had a valid point there. So, you are being silly on this occasion, but that could be because of all the other occasions he's been out of order.

I think he was just trying to describe just how strongly he feels about the issue.

I'd end a relationship if they throw litter out the window. It's just so stupid that I couldn't respect them or find them attractive.

However that's not the issue here. He's treating you poorly with the shouting and belittling. He's not making you happy, so end it with him.

I would dump for that too. Sign if ignorant twatism isn't it?

How long have you been together?

Can you give an example of how he belittles you?

Both. The statement itself - he was probably verbally trying to demonstrate how strongly he feels about the issue. This wasn't about you or your relationship, his strong feelings were about the litter/people who litter. I've heard people say similar things about passionate topics. I too, would dump someone if they dumped rubbish out a car window.

However if his communication style is aggressive, he regularly belittles you in conversation, or is regularly overly angry and ranty about stuff that makes them 'mad' - that's another thing entirely. I'm not saying all of that is the case, but I'm just using examples that may or may not fit. If any or all of that fits, this will inevitably affect the way you feel when you're with him and in interactions like this.

Someone feeling safe and secure wouldn't even think twice or feel upset about his litter statement because they know they are treasured and valued and that their partner probably/definitely knows they would never do said terrible thing and that it was merely a descriptor.

Its not worth the time of being with someone who you cant communicate with, literally pointless. Find someone you feel safe and loved with!

He is training you if you make a small mistake he can just dump you as he feels. So if you want to stay with him you had better start making sure you don't do any little thing to upset him. Of course you won't be told what that might be that would be too easy.

You could try calling his bluff, sit down with a pen and paper and say, "ok let's write a list of all the possible little mistakes I could get dumped by, just so I know in advance so I can make an informed decision if I want to be in a relationship like this, we'll start with 1. Throwing litter out of a car. Anything else? Please say now."

Thank you for all of your responses.He did say,when i got upset that he knew i would never do that anyway,and i was overreacting.Sometimes when he asks me something,and i start to answer,he interups and starts talking himself..i have said this to him on occasions.He says i take to long to answer(i have a dramatic pause before answering) i said that's because i am thinking about the answer before replying.He is sometimes rather impatient,wanting a reply immediently.When i get upset though and question our relationship,he gets all affectionate,hugging and kissing me.I just can't work him out sometimes.I do love him,but sometimes it just seems like hard work.

A relationship shouldn't feel like hard work

Nor should it leave you questioning

Sounds like he loves the sound of his own voice.

He's rude.
Why ask you a question if he isn't interested in hearing your response.

Well he sounds annoying and hard work.

The litter thing is a weird thing to say out loud, but I would also end a relationship if someone chucked rubbish out a window.

If he feels strongly about it then it's obviously an issue for him. We all have things that we really cannot stand.

It reminds me of a date I once went on. I would never date someone who is into hunting. I went on a date with a lovely guy once, it was all going great until he mentioned his 'hobby' which was shooting, usually birds but sometimes rabbits and deers. That was the end of that and I made it clear there would be no second date.

But I can see how belittling it makes you feel. He's basically saying he would put rubbish over you and that's not nice. He should also know you well enough to know you wouldn't do it anyway so his comment was actually pointless.

If you want someone who will aggressively take all their frustrations out on you for the rest of your lives, stay with him. If that doesn't sound like much fun (it isn't) then think about moving on.