Separation advice in pregnancy

[Teaaddict39]

I posted on MN before Christmas after I found out my estranged H had been paying for sexual services.

As you will remember, we were trying for DC3 when my life blew up, and shortly after Christmas I discovered I was pregnant. I was (and still am a little bit) devastated as it has meant I havent been able to get the clean break I was hoping for.

I was determined to proceed with the separation, but to be honest the pregnancy news has really thrown me and made me question my decision.

H is still living here (in the spare room) and we have essentially just been co-parenting and plodding along since we found out. Things are definitely not back to how they were, (I have kept things platonic and civil but there has been no intimacy)

My head is all over the place. Does anyone have any experience and success stories of separating in pregnancy after infidelity? Or do I owe to to this baby to try again? H is obviously wanting us to work on our marriage but I am hardly convinced and the betrayal is still so raw.

In any event, we have decided to stay living together until the baby comes; as I am exhausted trying to look after DC and am suffering with quite bad pregnancy sickness and tiredness.

Any advice would be welcome as I have gone from feeling strong and capable to feeling extremely low and vulnerable and I feel so disappointed in myself and trapped. MN was a godsend to me at my previous low points.

Xx

It’d be better for everyone to not have to live full time with a male who views women as objects to use. He can still parent his kids 50/50. Will he fuck off? Or are you stuck with the misogynist in the house until divorce settled?

Divorce will take ages, so best to start now before you’ve got another kid in the house. Don’t provide any services for him, obviously-no meals, laundry etc. Show him the same consideration he showed you, and the sex workers.

@nowevenbetter thank you for your post. Its a complicated situation as to why he's still here. We live in a very expensive part of the country and property prices are extortionate, even for rental. In order to afford a property on his sole salary, H would have to move quite a distance away and this makes childcare quite difficult and I really need help with DC at the moment as this pregnancy is making me feel quite shit.

My parents are an hour away and are both still working full time so I can't rely on them to help with DC too often.

Obviously, what happened in our marriage came out of the blue and before I could get my ducks in a row and sort out a practical, long term solution I found out I was pregnant and the situation was derailed.

I am now in a really vulnerable position and have no idea how to proceed. To be honest, H has been doing most of the household bits as I haven't been well. No one IRL even knows we're separating yet as I've been so focused on just "surviving".

Of course, I sound weak and pathetic, but I havent agreed to let this go and I havent agreed to work on our marriage. My priority at the moment is making sure the baby is okay and unfortunately, I'm just not in a position to decline his help. I don't know what to do 😭 xx

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