Sisterly problems

[Onlyrainbows]

I'll start with the disclaimer that I don't like spending time with my sister. We live in two completely different countries, and whenever we meet there's always a fight, and quite frankly I'd rather never see her than fighting with her.

Two years ago I was supposed to visit family in my home country but then COVID happened. Our sons only have a 6 month difference between them and they've never met.

She doesn't work and doesn't have any older children, so she's not subject to the same type of logistical complications that I have.

Anywho, I'm visiting in May and she's visiting in April so I had a million messages of how I never prioritise her.

I told her than until she understands my personal circumstances we have nothing to talk about.

I understand her, but I really don't know how to get the message across and let her see this isn't personal (at least this time) and that yes, quite frankly she's not my priority, but even if she were, I wouldn't have the time nor the money to do both.

This is not very clear, sorry.

You live in two "completely different" countries - how different? Do you mean geographically distant, or different culturally, or something else?

Have you both moved away from your country of birth, or was that just you?

Whom are you visiting in May, and whom is she visiting in April?

You seem to be hinting that besides your son who is close in age to your DSis's son, you have older children too, and this means your DSis cannot understand how complicated your life is.

Why do you think you always fight? Is it just because she has no idea how complicated your life is, or is there more to it?

Can you be honest and tell her that as seeing her in person always results in a fight you'd rather not see her?
That is what you are thinking after all and she may as well know your relaunching basis or her expectations will never match reality and she'll press for more than you are going to give.

Relationship not relaunch. 🙄

I have a sister who's like that. Funnily enough, she never adapts to anyone but always sulks when others don't adapt to her. It would never occur to her to change her trip to when it suits me, but has a massive strop if I don't change mine to suit her.

She won't change. The only thing you can do is ignore. Your life will be the better for it.

She doesn't work and doesn't have any older children, so she's not subject to the same type of logistical complications that I have

What 'logistical complications' do you have, OP? What are your 'personal circumstances' that she needs to understand? Not clear.

Also confused if you both live in different countries to your home country? Or is she there and you overseas?

Why the new thread?

I do have older children (a 12yo and 2 SDC). I work FT, she doesn't (so I don't have the freedom to just go on holiday whenever). I live in the UK, she lives in Switzerland, "home" is across the pond. We're both visiting the same set of family (parents, aunties, uncle) + our own friends.