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Original poster

Would you get a prenup?

36 replies

sausagedoggie · 28/02/2022 06:11

In a difficult situation with DP and wondering what others would do:

Me: 35, no kids, large extended family, £2m of assets, well off parents.
Him: 30, no kids, small extended family, no assets, well off parents.

We both want kids in the very near future and the plan is I go PT during child years.

Would you insist on a prenup?

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 28/02/2022 06:12

Not sure that they’re legal, but in your situation I would not get married.

DenholmElliot · 28/02/2022 06:14

pre-nups not valid in the UK.

Another one here who wouldn't get married unless that person was my financial equal.

Opentooffers · 28/02/2022 06:27

Have kids, don't bother with marriage, plenty of men do it that way. If he has no assets, does he earn a decent wage? If not, why not carry on working full time and he can go part time, makes more sense?

Original poster
sausagedoggie · 28/02/2022 06:31

He has no assets, but is just about to buy a flat with minimal equity (c£100k). He earns a very good wage, similar to me, but has only just started working as he spent most of his 20's in education.

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 28/02/2022 06:34

Legal advice on how to ring fence your pre marital assets. Pre nups can be legal and taken into account.

Twizbe · 28/02/2022 06:50

Pre nups aren't legally enforceable here but courts will take them into account, especially if they are sure both parties took independent legal advice when they were drawn up.

We looked at getting one when we got married. I had nothing coming into my married whereas my husband owns some family property and had a big inheritance part of which was the house we lived in.

I left the final decision up to husband and he decided he couldn't be bothered so 🤷🏼‍♀️ 11 years on now and it feels like it should be more ours than his especially as we have kids.

Get married if you love him and the relationship is good. Talk about the difference in income and assets and how he'd like to manage it.

DH and I were in agreement about his property and how to grow it to benefit our children.

Casper001 · 28/02/2022 06:50

I think its assets of the marriage that get split. Get some legal advice.

Crumbs22 · 28/02/2022 11:06

Short answer, yes.
Whilst pre nups are yet to be legally recognised (in England but I read they are in Scotland?), if one has been drawn up correctly - there is a list of criteria including the type of solicitors who can do it, it will be persuasive and considered should you divorce. If the prenup is considered unfair or made under duress then it will be discounted entirely.
I think you will need specialist legal and financial advice on the options to how to protect your assets if you do marry. I would add you will need to make sure your Will reflects what you want currently and it will need to be updated once married and point to a prenup (this will also need to point to your Will in turn so everything is cohesive). It may be better to put your assets in Trust. This is more the Wills/Estate planning solicitor.

Milomonster · 28/02/2022 12:43

Don’t bother with marriage in that case (unless you have cultural/religious reasons for doing so).

Riapia · 28/02/2022 13:32

If you’re so uncertain of his motives the red flags are already waving.

billy1966 · 28/02/2022 13:57

Two million and you are asking financial advice on MN 🙄

Boxerman · 28/02/2022 14:26

I'm fairly recently divorced, it was amicable so we used the same Barrister as each other to draw up our agreement, her words to us both as we signed it all off were, " i would advise anyone getting married to draw up a pre-nup" !!

ChickenStripper · 28/02/2022 15:45

@sausagedoggie

In a difficult situation with DP and wondering what others would do:

Me: 35, no kids, large extended family, £2m of assets, well off parents.
Him: 30, no kids, small extended family, no assets, well off parents.

We both want kids in the very near future and the plan is I go PT during child years.

Would you insist on a prenup?

Definitely.
litterbird · 28/02/2022 15:51

I am in the same position, lots of assets...well over a million quid my partner not so much....I have chosen not to get married as pre nups are really not as legal as I want them yet here in England. I wont risk anything at all right now so we had the conversation the other day that we wont be marrying. Just dont get married. He bought me a beautiful commitment ring and we are looking at a party to celebrate the commitment. We deeply love each other but I am not prepared to risk love on over a million quid of assets and money!

Candleabra · 28/02/2022 15:55

I wouldn’t get married in your position

bobbythevet · 28/02/2022 15:59

@Riapia

If you’re so uncertain of his motives the red flags are already waving.
Not at all Hmmyou can be practical and in a solid relationship at the same time
Puppyseahorse · 28/02/2022 16:14

Another vote for yes, pre nups can be valid if they are fair and properly drawn up.

You going PT may throw a spanner in the works though, somewhat. Would you expect to be entitled to some of his wages during the period that you were part time?

I’m not a lawyer, but I’d make sure to ask that question. If you’re ringfencing yours, he would get to ringfence his as well.

user1471462115 · 28/02/2022 16:15

Another one saying don’t marry. You really do have too much to lose. You can marry in ten years time, when he has caught up to your financial position

OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo · 28/02/2022 17:14

I think my husband would have liked a prenup in an ideal world. Not much in his own name, but his family are very wealthy. When he divorced his ex she ended up with about £450k in assets, the majority of which (about £300k of that) came from his family money rather than marital income/money. But I had been very clear beforehand that I would not agree to marry if a prenup was a prerequisite, and ultimately DH decided he would rather marry me without a prenup than insist on a prenup and lose me. In fairness, we both do the same job and have similar earning potential, and we both work part-time around our children, so we've agreed informally that if we were to split we would try to keep things fairly equal.

I felt that a prenup just wasn't compatible with what I wanted my marriage to be about. I didn't want to enter into it with an eye already on how we could end it.

Which is my long-winded way of saying, if you insist on a prenup, your partner may decide he doesn't want to get married. If that happens, you will need to decide what is more important to you - the marriage, or the prenup.

If you do marry and have children together, try to ensure you both work equally if you can - if you want a parent to be at home with your child at all times, you can achieve that by both going part-time at opposite ends of the week, rather than one parent working full-time and the other being a SAHP.

Fluffymule · 28/02/2022 17:29

I wouldn't get married in your position.

If you have children together and split up when unmarried you will retain your assets and any of your family's money to support yourself/them, with or without him fulfilling his responsibilities to his children.

However, if you marry and then split up you will have less left to support yourself and your children and would have to rely on his ongoing willingness to fulfil his financial responsibilities to his children after divorce.

He may go on another marriage, have other children, and have changed priorities for his share of your marital assets.

This could have future impact on your housing and schooling options for example.

It's difficult to separate emotion and the cold reality of future possibility in these circumstances. Women should not shy away from protecting themselves though.

bitchinofhitchen · 28/02/2022 17:34

I went into our marriage with significantly more assets than my husband. No prenup. Been married for 10 years. Glad I didn't do the pre nup route now but I did consider something similar at the time. But I wanted our marriage to be forever so decided to take the risk. Still happy with that plan.

Totalwasteofpaper · 28/02/2022 17:39

@Boxerman

I'm fairly recently divorced, it was amicable so we used the same Barrister as each other to draw up our agreement, her words to us both as we signed it all off were, " i would advise anyone getting married to draw up a pre-nup" !!
Yep Get a prenup. I did and my assets were far smaller (like 1m)

Courts DO take them into consideration

if your future DH is anything like mine he was happy to sign as he wanted to ensure me and our children would have adequate provision (ie I could always stay in the family home we were buying and my pension was protected)

We didn't need anything mad complex so I just found someone local with reasonable Google reviews. She was bloody awful and still cost thousands. I had to fight over payments and eventually we agreed on around 800 for her not to do her job properly 🙄 then we had to shell out again to get it done properly so do your homework before picking someone.

Associatepeggy · 28/02/2022 17:43

Courts do take them into consideration. But less so after a long marriage and children.

I have lots in assets. I am just not getting married.

Associatepeggy · 28/02/2022 17:43

@Associatepeggy

Courts do take them into consideration. But less so after a long marriage and children.

I have lots in assets. I am just not getting married.

Sorry, should have said that's not fact. That's my understanding after seeking legal advice.
WordleDordle · 28/02/2022 17:54

Would people advise the same if the genders were reversed?