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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get him to leave?

10 replies

EdibleGlue · 27/02/2022 22:14

'D'H and I decided to separate last week. It all came to a head on Valentine's Day because I decided to buy myself some flowers as I knew he wouldn't, and tbh, it was just the last straw. He has ignored me for years, literally didn't speak to me for 3 weeks after Xmas... and we live in a ordinary semi, not a mansion!

He isn't actively ignoring me, he is just so wrapped up in his own selfish little world that he can't see that his behaviour is appalling. He even forgot my birthday this week- no card, not even a text msg. Apparently his 'head is all over the place' and he forgot. Bearing in mind the whole reason I want to call it a day is because he doesn't make me feel like he loves me, this just feels like confirmation.

This issue is now that he won't bloody go! He went to his Dad's for a few days but now is back and is making noises about staying 'while he sorts the finances'. There are no finances to sort- I earn my own money, I'm staying in the house with the kids (we already decided that), he just needs to rent a flat nearby and get out of my bloody house!

I know he is pushing for us to just co-habit as he has mentioned it a few times but that feels like a shitty stick to me. I'll still do all the cooking, cleaning, kids etc while working full time and he will just hole up in his office and have a bloody excuse to ignore me! Sounds like the same old shit to me!!

He has big issues with change and seeing things from other people's pov due to his ASD but how do I make him realise that he needs to go! He said he doesn't know why I'm in such a hurry and that I must really hate him to make him leave but it's the opposite! I love him but he doesn't love me and it's killing me. He threw us away years ago and I've tried everything to save us. I've just run out of strength.

OP posts:
roadragepensioner · 27/02/2022 22:18

Can you find him some flats to look around? Sounds as though he needs help to get organised. Obviously this is not really up to you but it might move things on

NotaCoolMum · 27/02/2022 22:19

Who owns the house?

Hoardasurass · 27/02/2022 22:26

Basically as you are married I assume that the house is in both names so the only way to make him out will be a occupation order through the court. In the meantime stop cooking for him and stop doing his washing, shopping and anything else that you do for him also don't do any wife work for him

EdibleGlue · 27/02/2022 22:26

@roadragepensioner

Can you find him some flats to look around? Sounds as though he needs help to get organised. Obviously this is not really up to you but it might move things on
Part of me thinks I should get on and sort it like I always do, but he is an adult with a big, serious job! If he can organise multi million pound projects then I shouldn't have to mother him.

I always end up doing everything for him and it's obscene! He won't order in a restaurant because he finds it too stressful!

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 27/02/2022 22:27

Make him move out that should say

LittleOwl153 · 27/02/2022 22:39

Stop doing everything for him. You are no longer together, why are you cooking his dinner and washing his pants? Set up a schedule for the kids- does he want every other week or every other weekend? And leave him to it! If he picks weekends spend his first weekend away somewhere - if possible do the same if he picks 50%. It will be tough but why would he move out when he still has you as his skinny?

LittleOwl153 · 27/02/2022 22:39

Skinny = Skivvy

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 27/02/2022 22:44

If the house is in joint name, he legally has an much right to live there as you,

minniemouseshouses · 27/02/2022 22:53

Seems you need to help him see the opportunities in terms of flat rents, unfortunately, but surely he can refuse to leave if it’s his house too? Perhaps there neeeds to be more clarity on the financial side for him to feel comfortable leaving ? Might speed things along….

roadragepensioner · 27/02/2022 23:14

Totally get that you don't see why you should help him to get a flat but I just think it might demonstrate that you're serious and be the final push to get him out of your life to the extent that you can. Others have mentioned legal advice, possibly, but reading your post suggests that he's not together enough to move out rather than exercising any aggressive squatting (I know it's his house too) type behaviour. Legals get costly quickly so anything that you can sort without help is a plus I think.

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