I love my partner, but we’ve been trying to “make things work” for the last 4yrs. There are reoccurring issues that are outside our control that are affecting our relationship- mainly his mother. I have tried everything and I’m never going to win her over. My partner and his sister believe that she suffers from mental health issues and as a result they are wary of upsetting her in case it causes her a mental breakdown.
Unfortunately, her (pure) hatred of me has meant I am not allowed to attend any of her family gatherings - despite being invited. My name and my son’s have been band from their house. And more recently, I have been asked to not attend a birthday party (that she has not been invited to as it’s her ex-sister-in-law’s) because she got upset when she heard I was going.
My partner and I don’t spend holidays together, we don’t even get Christmas together. I’m excluded from my stepson’s birthday celebrations. She is so heavily involved with my stepson that there’s no way that my partner feels that he can stand up to her. I’m completely worn down by it all. I had years of her ignoring me when I would say “hi” or “good morning” everyday on the school run. She came to my place of work and blanked me. She even turned up at our house to do some gardening, she refused to come in and when I’d offer her a drink she’d decline and get her flask out and drink her own. I had other parents from school approach me to say how worried they were for my son after they watched her actively ignore him and turn her back on him when he tried to talk to her (he was 6 at the time)
She began helping out at the boys school, despite my partner’s reservations about it all and explicit instructions to not help in either of our boys classes. We found out from friends that she disregarded my partners wishes and had placed herself in both of their classes. My son told me that he had been hiding in the toilets out of fear of being asked to work with her. I told him that should he ever be asked to work with her, he should be nothing but polite and treat her with the same respect that he would any other teacher. I contacted his class teacher to make her aware that he’d been hiding in the toilets and she admitted that she was concerned at how upset he’d become when he was asked to work with her (she said the colour drained from his face) and she assured they would never put him through that again. She lies about things - but I think she genuinely believes in what she says.
My partner is completely caught in the middle. He’s in an impossible situation where he ends up hurting one of us and is hurting by being put in the position he’s in.
I can’t help thinking we’d be better off just going out separate ways. She is never going to come round and he’s never going to stand up to her and so we live only half a life.
His mum isn’t our only issue, we have a few. I’m feeling worn down by them all and while we can work on our other issues this one feels too much out of our control and makes me feel like the hurt she causes me and my son doesn’t matter.
I’m even asked to leave my own home if she’s arranged to come round-: she can’t cope with me being there.
If I left my partner, my son’s life would be turned completely upside down. I think my partner would be better off without us in his life and my stepson would be a little disappointed but would get over it.
I have no idea how we would manage with the rising costs of living. Our quality of life would certainly deteriorate and I just don’t know how I’d do it.
I love my partner, I love my stepson and my son loves them. My son would be heartbroken. My partner would be heartbroken. I just feel like I don’t matter as much as I should. My partner has tried counselling to try and resolve these issues with his mum - only she wouldn’t participate. I can’t have any more children due to cancer and so I feel that, because we don’t have any children that at “ours” I’ll never be accepted.