My ex was a bit evil

[TheSpecialist]

Hey

So I had a chat with my ex. We have been chatty for a bit and I think we were both getting into the groove of being separated. It’s for the best. It really didn’t work and we were together for 2 years.

During a call a couple of weeks ago he said he was looking forwards to “meeting the one” and starting dating again.

Whilst I know we are over, it just felt like a bit of a stab in the heart. We both saw each other as “the one” as you do, but I just felt it was a bit of mind games.

I told him that it really upset me and now he’s not replying to any messages and hasn’t for about 10 days. For all I know he could be in a ditch but to ignore someone you once loves is quite evil. It hurts.

It rarely works trying to be friends with an ex. Why not let things cool down and focus on other friends? This will help you to move on.

I honestly don't really see what he said as anything bad. He's right, he's looking to meet the one, as you (I assume) are.
To say he is playing mind games and is quite evil is just a bit ott. He's just backing off after getting unexpected backlash after what he presumed was an innocent comment.

You said separated so ex husband? Together only for two years. So you cannot have been married for long at all. If there are no children, why are you even talking?

And ‘a bit evil’ is ridiculous.

I guess you’re all right.

I overreacted as it’s all a bit raw.

This whole notion of soul mates and THE ONE is so immature. If you are really over it then why would you be upset about him saying he is looking forward to meeting 'the one?'. He wasn't the one, was he? You were together for two years. You may be more respectful and not verbalise it but if you are really over this man ....... You are thinking the same thing.

Is it really 'for the best' sounds like you are still struggling with the split. Is it recent? I think you need some time NC and then maybe you can talk again when you've healed.

@whiteworldgettingwhiter

Rarely but not impossible! I am very close to a lot of my exes and still see several regularly. I am in contact and speak to two of mine daily, we are all single so not stepping on anyone's toes.

In your case OP, I think maybe you sound younger. My ex used 'the one' term and it was bullshit ... I think your ex has been very clear and is ready to move on. As hard as it is, you need to accept that. My most recent ex just blocked me after I caught him out in a huge lie ... it was for the best because I was clinging onto something that I had created in my head that NEVER existed!

You'll be fine :-)
Live your life - trust me, there's better out there x

@TheSpecialist

I guess you’re all right.

I overreacted as it’s all a bit raw.

Don't dismiss your feelings as 'over reacting' or 'being too sensitive'. That's a lack of self respect.

What's actually happened is that he spoke the truth, and the truth is sometimes painful. So it hurt you. And that's ok.

You don't have to assign labels like 'good' or 'evil' to people. Spend your time with people who respect your feelings, and don't spend time with people who say things that hurt you. That's all the boundaries you need. So, if he's making comments that hurt you, steer clear of him.

It really is that simple. The person who most needs to respect your feelings is you; don't dismiss how you feel ('I'm just being silly' etc), respect how you feel ('I feel crappy, can I do anything to make myself feel better? What do I need? Perhaps I need to cry? Perhaps I need to see a friend? Perhaps I need a large bag of mini eggs?' etc)

Why are you even talking to your ex?

You are exes. If you can't handle him moving on then you know it's better to loose contact until you can truly be friends. Or perhaps you just need to accept life goes on and you can't stay friends.

My boyfriends ex supported him after they split as he was mentally unwell. It was hard for me as the new girl knowing she still was in his life like she was. I respected it though and trusted it.

Then we ended up having a break for a few months. I dont think he was ready for a relationship but we both had feelings that didn't fade. We eventually got into a relationship and started having sex and spending time together. About a 4 month in his ex sends him a How's you text. She continued on to questioning him on me. Being rude about me when he defended me and said I'd done alot for him. He told her not to say anything about me etc. Are responded with spiteful words. He blocked her on Facebook messenger so she couldn't spy anymore. About a month later I'm feeling better. We've talked about her and I finally feel she's no threat. She popped up again and asked how he was. As far as I know she hasn't been in touch for a few months now. He has alot of negative feelings towards her and the past but wants to keep her in his life for some strange reason in the background. He feels guilty I think.

She has sometimes asked him if he still fancies her or hinted at them getting together again. My boyfriend has in that respect had many chances to ditch me and go back to her. But he hasn't.

If she hadn't been lurking around and they hadn't been trying to stay friends our relationship would have had 50% less arguments. Do I compare to her when I'm just a year and abit in his life compared to her best part of ten years? I haven't had chance to build up the memories and times with him yet.

My advice to you would be don't be that woman. Don't be the ex that's hanging around like a bad smell. You ofcourse were happy and loved one another at some point. But that ended and yes he's going to want to be happy again. Build up a life with someone else. That woman will not want to be in your shadow. Just like your new boyfriends won't want your ex around..
Get some support and move on.

It sounds like he’d thought you’d moved on and we’re now friends. Then your reaction kind of showed him that you hadn’t moved on and might be hoping for more. So he’s backed off. A clean cut and some distance might be for the best?