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Original poster

Surprise holiday ruined

21 replies

Becky2022 · 27/02/2022 16:20

Numerous times in the past, my partner and I have disagreed about spending holidays with other people, friends / family etc.

I find it exhausting, and while I like to see both for short periods, I don’t consider staying with people for more than one night a holiday.

He would spend every holiday with people rather than just me occasionally. Which makes me feel rubbish.

Fiancé has organised a surprise trip for my birthday and I find out it’s staying with his friend, in a nice location, but still I had something else in my head!

I wasn’t immediately excited, so fiancé is annoyed with me. If this hadn’t been a source of many discussions and minor arguments in the past, I’d totally accept and appreciate his efforts.

But I know that he knows this isn’t what I’d have chosen for my week off and he’s done it anyway.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 27/02/2022 16:22

Tell him to go on his own.
Really, I’m so over having to be grateful for presents I don’t want.

Bellyups · 27/02/2022 16:22

He puts his own wants above your own. Not an attractive trait. I wouldn’t enjoy holidays at friends/family places either.

VimFuego101 · 27/02/2022 16:25

This is a present for him, not for you. YANBU at all.

MsPavlichenko · 27/02/2022 16:26

He is no thinking about you is he? This is what he wants. Even a compromise where you spent a few nights with the friend and finished with a few in a hotel would have been better. He has done this despite you explaining your preferences clearly. He’s in charge and he gets to decide. You can take it or leave it.

Why not arrange your own holiday and let him go to his friend. It might actually get through to him that way. Otherwise look forward to a lifetime of him putting himself first.

OhCobblers · 27/02/2022 16:27

He doesn't really care what you think does he?
Is that what you want from your relationship?

supadupapupascupa · 27/02/2022 16:27

Tell him "great!!! Enjoy yourself!! I was feeling a bit guilty because I've made my own plans for my birthday, but this way I know you'll be having fun. Have a great time"

IrishKatie1971 · 27/02/2022 16:28

Sounds like he doesn't enjoy spending time alone with you? Does he get bored easily?

astorsback · 27/02/2022 16:34

He doesnt care about you, inly himself.

Sorry.

astorsback · 27/02/2022 16:34

only

Dontbeme · 27/02/2022 16:35

Fiancé has organised a surprise trip for my birthday and I find out it’s staying with his friend

He's organized a week with his mate and tacking on your birthday to his holiday, don't marry him he doesn't listen to what you want.

SmolCat · 27/02/2022 16:35

His idea of a treat for your birthday is going to stay with his friend? Yeah you really don’t need to pretend to be grateful for that.

Either he doesn’t fully understand that you don’t love spending lots of time with other people, or he thinks the location is so amazing that it will override that issue. Or... he’s plain disregarded you.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 27/02/2022 16:36

What have you organised for your birthday, just stick to doing that?

Bagelsandbrie · 27/02/2022 16:39

With his friend?

Fuck that.

He goes on his own.

thebigpurpleone · 27/02/2022 16:40

Don't marry him.

ChoiceMummy · 27/02/2022 16:40

@Becky2022
It does sound ungrateful.
Was this to make the treat financially viable in light of rising costs of living etc?

Sparkletastic · 27/02/2022 16:51

That's a present for him not you

Original poster
Becky2022 · 27/02/2022 16:55

Thanks all. In every other way he’s perfect, but we fundamentally disagree about what a holiday is!

Well, he does see it as ‘Well, we can book lots of expensive restaurants’ instead!

OP posts:
MargosKaftan · 27/02/2022 17:07

Do not marry a man who doesn't enjoy spending extended time with you. Please.

For this problem - "darling, you know I dont like spending holiday time with other people other than you. Please believe me when I say this, I will never enjoy a holiday with others. I understand you do, so when it's your birthday ill do that to prioritise what you want. I do sort of expect you to not put yourself first when planning my gift." If he doesn't get it, please leave him. Life is too short for selfish men. Particularly ones who don't enjoy your company.

MsPavlichenko · 27/02/2022 17:16

It’s not a problem that you fundamentally disagree with what a holiday is. It’s not a problem he would rather spend money on restaurants.

It is a problem that he feels his opinion tops yours, that he prioritises what he wants and that he makes no attempt to compromise. On your birthday too!

I know you don’t want to but listen to what others are saying here. This is before you are married. Don’t assume he will change.

As I said why not call his bluff and go away yourself? If you are not doing it because you are worried about his reaction that’s not a good sign either.

AdaColeman · 27/02/2022 17:19

He has given himself a treat for YOUR birthday!
This isn't a man who values you very much, nor does he give any priority to your likes and wishes.

There is a word for this, and the word is selfish.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 27/02/2022 19:21

Your preference and feeling mean nothing.
Don't marry someone who is so deaf to your needs and buys himself a present for your birthday

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