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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really need help

12 replies

Lost81 · 27/02/2022 15:29

Hi I'm completely new to this form, I didn't know where else to go for help that my partner wouldn't see what I've been talking about. He is very much on the ball when it comes to the internet and is on most things, whereas I am totally in the dark.

I've been with my partner for under 20 years, I'm sorry, I'm trying to give the most information as I can without it coming back to me. He is far far more intelligent than I am and he could debate parliament and win. In the past I do believe that I have been gas lit on many occasions, he bombazzles me constantly when we have issues and I know that of I don't come to this properly, I'll be on the losing end of this to. There's so much more I could put to give you an idea of the power dynamics but I don't want to get caught writing this.

My question is this, I think I have found something on his phone that in all honesty has made me feel sick to my core. I don't know if it's like a fan fiction kinda thing or something that one person starts and then others can add to a story or if this is something he has actually wrote himself and I don't know what to do or whether I'm over reacting or even under reacting. I don't know what page it is or what site, all I know is that when I woke up this morning my phone was dead so when I came down stairs I saw my partner's phone on the sofa and so I swiped it to see the time and it was on a page that your can either continue to write or edit or maybe even something that he has wrote himself, but I started to read it and I can only describe it as like a fan fiction child pornography story. It's disgusting and it revolves around an 8 year old being groomed online then running away to the groomer and then what happens between them both. I won't go into details as I may throw up. Is this legal? We have no children or are around children so I have no concerns in regards to that but I don't know what the hell to think about it. I don't know if he wrote it or was reading it but it can't be a good thing can it? I don't know what to do. I was raped as a child and he knows the fall out of my life from that event so why would he be either writing something like this or reading it? Am I over reacting? It's beyond disgusting and now I'm terrified about how to even deal with this. Any advice would be welcome. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the subject matter, I just didn't know who to contact for help

OP posts:
Mummytobe93 · 27/02/2022 15:36

Hi OP

I’m very sorry you’ve been abused as a child! It’s horrible💐 I thankfully have not been abused as a child, but I would too be disturbed by such finding on my DH’s phone. I know of fan fiction etc but not this kind.

I’d be confused but would definitely confront him about it to see how he reacts/what he says.

lucylucyapplejuicy · 27/02/2022 15:36

So sorry you found this that is awful and makes me feel sick to my stomach! Either way it should not be on his phone but if you say he does bamboozle you and gaslit you then you need to think how to approach this. I have no idea if the legality of it although it absolutely should be illegal and anyone writing or reading it is sick

Georgeskitchen · 27/02/2022 15:44

Is there anywhere safe you can go?

Buildingthefuture · 27/02/2022 15:59

Jesus op. You are NOT over reacting in anyway. I have no idea if it’s legal, nor do I care. It’s vile, exploitation of the most vulnerable people in our society. In general, I do not subscribe to the LTB mentality on MN. But, in this situation, he would be gone. Now. Today. Don’t wait. It may just be a “fantasy” but he is fantasising about abusing an 8 year old child. There is no coming back from that, ever. He needs to go. Immediately.

Liverbird77 · 27/02/2022 16:20

Whether he wrote it or read it, it's disgraceful.

I could not stay in the relationship. It would be impossible to move forward knowing what he'd done.

I am really sorry, op.

wingscrow · 27/02/2022 16:21

I am so sorry for what you have to go through.

Go to the police straight away and report what you saw. They will check his laptop/phone for this type of material.

Get somewhere safe (friend? family member?)

Unfortunately many abusers will target vulnerable women who have a history of abuse/trauma in the past. They know it will in many cases make them more susceptible to manipulation and gaslighting.

It is not a good idea as someone as suggested above to confront him directly and on your own. Put your own safety first and let the police deal with it.

Dragongirl10 · 27/02/2022 16:23

I am sorry op but you do need to leave...

GeneLovesJezebel · 27/02/2022 16:25

You could 101 for advice.
If you don’t want to do that, is there some family you can go to ?

Bromse · 27/02/2022 16:37

You are certainly over reacting, it is frankly horrible and I am really sorry for you. I don't know what to think; the best thing of course would be to confront him about it. Are you up to that?

wingscros said: "Unfortunately many abusers will target vulnerable women who have a history of abuse/trauma in the past. They know it will in many cases make them more susceptible to manipulation and gaslighting."

I thought the same.

Ricksteinsfishwife · 27/02/2022 16:41

You need to report to the police it’s child pornography. Detailing the rape of a child. It doesn’t matter if it’s written word. And only paedos would be involved in this.

Bromse · 28/02/2022 01:17

I meant to say 'not' over reacting in my first paragraph, last but one post above. I missed out the 'not', so sorry op. I hope the rest of my post made it clear that I do not think you are wrong to be upset by this.

How are things now?

thegoldenone · 28/02/2022 05:45

Op
I'm so sorry but he's a pedophile

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