I still live with my parents, struggling with the messy/dirty house

[okayletsgo]

I'm in my 20s and I still live with my parents, so do my other adult siblings. I get on well with my parents and I'm happy being at home most of the time, and my parents are happy to have me at home.

However one thing I have struggled with since I was a child is the mess and dirt of the house. I remember as a child I would clean the bathroom, living room and kitchen to try and keep it clean/liveable but it would just get messy again within hours so I eventually gave up. I kind of accepted that my parents were overwhelmed raising us children and it would get better as we grew older. But it's still the same. Even now as an adult I rarely bother cleaning the communal spaces (e.g. kitchen, bathroom). I'll clean up after myself but I don't exert any extra effort to clean up after my family members as it's just a waste of time.

I keep my bedroom clean and tidy and stay in there as much as possible. But I want to start eating healthier and a huge barrier to that is I avoid cooking in our kitchen as much as possible. There's usually no clear counter space, or when there is clear counter space I get put off by how filthy the kitchen is.

The kitchen often has plates with food left overnight, so you'll come downstairs to make breakfast and there'll be plates of last night's dinner sitting on the side. There's often full food waste bags sitting on the counter which smell awful. If anyone cooks it's all just left as a mess - for example today there are egg shells just left on the kitchen counter after someone cooked eggs.

The bathroom has mould, nail clippings, hairs from shaving, etc. It also often has dead flies and moths and dust on the counters until I clean it.

It feels like everyone in my family is just asleep/unconscious to it. I have brought it up gently (as I don't want to be seen as nagging) but my family has been like this my entire life so I don't think it will ever change. It feels hurtful as it feels like nobody cares about each other, there's just no respect.

I know the answer is to move out and I will, but if I'm being honest I'm struggling with my mental health at the moment and I need to be around family and with some kind of stability.

I don't know whether to just accept that I want to live in a clean house and that's not important for the rest of my family, so I'll have to take the full responsibility of cleaning it at all times. Or just give up and accept nothing will change and just try and ignore the mess as much as possible. I also don't know what's normal vs not normal, maybe it is normal to have a messy house and I'm OTT with wanting it to be cleaner.

Does anyone have any advice?

I am averagely tidy and clean but I must admit having recently been doing house viewings I am shocked just how dirty and untidy some people are— both with kids and without kids around. I must admit I honestly couldn’t relax at all with the sheer amount of mess and general grunge , whereas others clearly don’t notice it at all — and I’m by no means that fastidious.

Could you get everyone to chip in and get some nice new things to make it easier. For example an electric carpet sweeper that you can wizz round with in the communal areas. New bin. Maybe a steam floor mop. Disinfectant wipes are really good for a quick clean in kitchens and bathrooms, Windowlene wipes for glass and mirror. Ask that people at least put dishes in sink to soak. I think you may have to do a deep clean once and then maintain but I think these things will help.

You are old enough to move home and begin your own life.
I left home at 17 and am amazed how it’s normal for people to live at home now until they are practically middle aged.

You have my sympathy, I was you a long time ago.
I've never had friends round as a child because it was so embarrassing.
How can you let a friend stay over and then walk into a bathroom with mould all round the pipes and hairs everywhere and see them at school the next day.
I'd save, save , save and try to move out, you won't change them.
My eldest sister is like me, my middle sister is still like my parents and doesn't see an issue with it.
I'm not a clean freak my kids make mess, life is busy but leaving toenail clippings and letting mould grow is grim.
Like I said you have my sympathy, it won't be forever and one day you will have your own place and be able to have it just how you like it, either spotless or somewhere in between

Those suggesting a shared rota are missing the point - OP is the only one seemingly bothered by the mess - so any attempt to get siblings and DPs involved are doomed to failure.

I think living somewhere clean would help your MH

A dirty house will be contributing to your mental health,tidy house,tidy mind an all that.

If she could just move out she would surely? It's not easy to go it alone especially if single and on a low/average wage.
These threads always go into 'Just move out immediately ' . Would love to know the areas you all live where housing and rent is affordable for young, single people.

I think it's time you left home. It sounds gross.

Your mental health may well improve once you're in your own environment that you can keep as clean as you like. I hope you are receiving proper support for your MH.

Its normal for some people to be messy, not for others. I think you've already hit on your two options here, which are either clean it yourself or ignore it. You can't force other people to live the way you want them to when it's their house, so you can only take action (or not) yourself. I would be very cautious about taking the advice to 'just move out'. If you've ever had your own place, you'll know that it brings all sorts of additional stress, such as affording bills, which aren't getting any cheaper, dealing with landlords, neighbours, plus the isolation. It's possible that moving away from the supportive and relatively responsibilty free family home may cause more pressure on your MH than a grubby kitchen and bathroom. But you're best placed to know that.