I feel like DH is constantly criticising me

[Fallingonice]

It may be that he isn’t and I know I need to speak to him about it but it will be hard to do so without sounding defensive.

DH does this thing where he makes an observation but it’s a criticism. So for example just now I was bathing our one year old and he came in and remarked ‘That’s a lot of bubbles for a very little baby.’ So what he’s really saying is you’ve put too much bubble bath in.

He’ll also comment on my portion sizes (that’s a very big portion mummy!) and the state of the house (the lounge is looking a bit full).

It’s really getting on my nerves tbh. If he said what he means ‘you’ve put too much bubble bath in’ I can reply directly and say no I haven’t but as it is it’s just a sort of comment hanging in the air.

How annoying! Tell him.
And every time he does it, tell him to fuck off. Make your boundaries really clear. He doesn’t get to comment on everything you do. It’s undermining and will make you feel like shit.

'Yes, I love bubbles. So does dc.'

'Don't comment on my portion size. It's rude.'

'Yes, why don't you tidy up? I'm going for a bath.'

But seriously, tell him that his PA comments are pissing you off, and if he has anything to say to say it to you!

My mother does this constantly. I usually just ignore or change the subject but every now and again I address it directly. She's usually embarrassed / apologizes straight away. For the most part I really think she's trying to be helpful or just saying something for the sake of it.
It's incredibly annoying though

Who are you my dad?
I am not 12.
I can make decisions too you know.
PA maybe but you are allowed to do your own thing op

‘That’s a lot of bubbles for a very little baby.’

Then why aren't you giving him a bath, Mr. Fucking Perfect?

Tell him to suck rope. He's deliberately undermining you and critising you.

My DH does this also. Its very PA. I've told him I hate it and he needs to stop being so cowardly and be direct. It has caused massive aeguments in our marriage.
You must speak up and tell him to stop it.

Seen this before.
Is he worried about upsetting you and so can't be direct but upsets you anyway because he's being PA?

Explain it to him initially, he may genuinely not be aware of it. Ask him to stop.

If he continues doing this then pull him up on it every time.

He's being a judgy undermining dick of the 'I was just saying ' sort. It's hard to defend yourself without looking like you're over-reacting. But you're not.

So for every 'that's a lot of bubbles ' , the answer is ' no, it's just right for us'.

That's a big portion? Nope. Just right for me.

Don't argue. Just shut it down.

Tackle him every time.
‘Why don’t you take over if you think it’s too many bubbles?’
‘Why don’t you wash up, thanks.’
‘Why don’t you try running round doing all the housework and looking after the baby and see what portion size you need?’

Alternatively, say ‘Why don’t you fuck of criticising me?’ and walk away if possible.

I can see this must be very tiresome and will gradually turn into a bigger resentment if you don’t tackle it.

Have some responses ready…

This is the perfect number of bubbles.
The portion size is just fine.
If you’re worried about the lounge being ‘full’ then you can always have a bit of a tidy.
If the laundry basket is full then why not put a wash on.
We seem to be running out of X? Oh good, if you’re going to do some shopping, could you get some Y and Z, too?

My judgement doesn't seem great dh - I married you.

But actually, if you have good communication with him, why not just tell him that comments like this make you feel criticised and can he please stop doing it.