Handhold please 6 week post leaving Ex

[Scaffoldtothesky]

Hi everyone, I'm 6 weeks since leaving ExH with my 3 year old son and moved into our own place. It has been relentless but enjoyable setting up our new home, getting into our new routine.

All the advice given here on leaving being the hardest part is true.

All the advice about reading my old threads everytime I feel a twinge of regret or feel sorry for Ex is also true.

But it is relentless, I won't lie. My parents and sibling have stepped in and been a massive help but I'm juggling everything and I'm shattered. DS has been unwell and now so am I. I am struggling with it all today.

Ex is asking constantly to see DS which obviously I'm fine with. I want DS to continue having a good relationship with his dad. The bad weather and sickness has meant I've broken my own rule of not letting him in. He came over today as I felt so unwell and my DS hadn't seen him all week. Then they went out to Ex's house for the afternoon. Then a request to come over again tomorrow. It gives me so much anxiety him being here. I'm trying to be fair and civil for everyone's sake.

Just need a handhold please.

No obligation to have him in your place! He can take the little one to his.

Tell him you need a visitation schedule sorting out.

Sort a schedule out. Tell him he can collect DS tomorrow afternoon and return him Monday morning.

Is there a reason he isn't having him overnights?

Sort out proper visitation. You will get a rest.

Is there a reason he didn't just collect him ? At least if your not well you can rest whilst he is with his dad ?

Thank you everyone, yes we were trying to get a schedule sorted out. It hasn't worked out the last few weeks, DS is going back and forth in the evenings and has been unwell. I believe it's due to the cold weather and not getting enough sleep as Ex has been doing pick ups from nursery then returning DS later in the evening.

In the lead up to me moving out, I literally begged every other day to have the discussion about visiting etc but was given the silent treatment and stonewalled (on that and everything else). The one thing we did agree on was that DS was probably too young to do overnights. Ex hasn't mentioned it again and I have some misgivings about DS doing overnights right now.

I'm actually feeling so stuck all over again. Keeping the guilt at bay is taking so much strength. Ex is acting the martyr / victim again and asking when he can come over to "help".

He really isn't too young to have overnights with his Dad, means he would get more sleep and see more of his Dad.

Also means less contact between you and your ex and most handovers could be done at nursery.

@RandomMess Yes I've thought that too, I can see the benefits for everyone. I would worry about my son not settling though.

I'm just getting the most dreadful thought that I've just ripped the family apart and should've just shut up and stayed put rather than make my son be ferried back and forth

Your DS will be fine with his Dad he will settle, it make take longer than usual but he'll adapt and be fine.

You left your ex for a reason, perhaps he was a rubbish partner those are the reasons your family is now split, it's just because you left.

You left your ex for a reason
Yes I did. The distance is making it easier now just to see him as the Co parent of our DS. I guess that's the only thing that matters now. Ex is a very willing father. DS was overjoyed to spend the day with him and he returned home happy.

Deep down I'm sad the marriage is over. Was over a long time ago. Am I allowed to feel that even though I was the one who left?

Sorry not sure why I'm posting. Just need a release as I want to cry and scream into a pillow but don't feel able to.

Of course it's ok to feel sad, it is sad!

You thought your marriage would be happy and you chose to have a child together losing that hope and dream is sad.