Grown men who have GOOD relationships with their Mums: Do you know any?

[DrNortherner]

I don't, and as a Mum to a ds it bothers me.

What is teh secret to maintainging a good relationship right through adulthood?

DH does - although they are just such nice middle classs people, head of scouts, chirch bazaar organisers etc. that it is hard not to - never a bad word about anyone types IYKWIM.

Only thing I think about them is that they are not that loving - I am sure they love us all but they have never said I love you to me or haven't heard them asy it to DH or the kids - they don't hug and kiss like my family do - not my father and the step monster but my uncle and aunt and even gorwn up cousins always say it when we see each other.

Suppose it may be because they are quite a bit older than my family - DH was a mistake - a very uch loved one though! They never even metioned sex to him either so he has the worse grasp of sex education of any man I know!

They would neve just pop round though and are always busy but never too busy to see the kids or have them for us although quite hard now we have moved 90 minutes away.

All in all a good realationship if not an over showy one!

My bil does ,they are really close but she isn't a scary mil type either

Most men I have been out with have been pretty close to their mum's.
My ex H loved his mum, but doesn't see that much of her really.
My new boyfriend has a very close relationship with his parents, and goes round for lunch every Sunday.

My brothers get on with our Mum, don't pop in to see her much but they do speak to her frequently. Neither of them drive, one of them lives 50 miles from Mum and the other 150 miles away so pretty good really.

DH has a great relationship with his Mum, we live 100 miles from IL's but see them around once a month and he rings them about twice a week.

Don't know why that is really - my family has a pretty strong family ethic and dh was an only child and is close to both his parents.

my dh has a good relationship with his mum and so does his brother. I think she does strive quite hard to strike a balance between just being there for them, but not judging them and letting them just live their lives. She offers advice but only if it is sought. Unfortunately relationship with their father not so hot. Cant win em all!

My brother has a brilliant relationship with our Mum - they are very close. But then I am very close to my Mum too - she's always tried to be unjudgmental and keep communication channels open (even when we were 'orrible teenagers) and it's paid off now we are adults. When db got a girl pregnant after a one night stand Mum was the first person he told - I hope I have a relationship like that with my boys (and I hope I would react as well as she did to a bombshell like that )

Dh would say he has a very good relationship with his Mum - but to me (and I would never say this to him) they don't seem particularly close. They don't seem to really talk - he doesn't confide in her on any meaningful level and never really has. It's always been pretty obvious in his family though that his younger brother is his Mum's 'favourite' and his younger sister is his Dad's. I think that's maybe why he doesn't have a very close relationship with his Mum.

DP has a great relationship with his mother, he adores her and totally respects her.
He says she always listened and never judged, though gave them (him and his brother) brilliant advice.

He says her parenting style was very similar to mine, where my DC's know I am the boss, they don't want to upset me, and as a result I lay off them for anything I don't think is a 'big deal'.

I honestly believe his relationship with his mother is what makes him treat me so well, he is totally repsectful, very helpful and would rather cut out his tongue than say something to hurt me.

I only hope I can be as successful a mother as his was.

That should read is she still is his mother.
And also a great mother-in-law, close enough to be supportive, but restrained enoguh to enver interfere.

My Dh.

He has a great relationship with his mum. My MIL is still very young at heart and thus has always 'understood' her children to a certain extend. She was a childminder when dh, bil and sil were little so she was around lots and very involved in their lifes. Even as teenagers and beyond, she knew the bands her dc supported, took an interest in the motorbikes her sons brought home and dismantled, and even named the family dog after a rock-group. She was strict but fair, did not sweat the small stuff but laid open and clear groung rules for the big stuff. As a result she raised 3 children who have grown up to be nice, responsible adults. I hope I can do the same.

Even now, she is there when dh (or I) need her, she is not pushy, does not interfere, but will always help when asked.

I did not mean for this to sound like a MIL appreciation report, but she is fab and dh is lucky to have her!

groung?? ground!!

My DH is quite close to his mum however she is such a miserable person and every time we visit there is something wrong with her (health wise), its almost as if she can't wait for us to get through the door to tell us her latest illness. For this reason he keeps his distance, she drags us down.

This thread is bringing a lump to my throat. There are some lovley stories on here.

You have restored my faith

My xp and his mom got on really well up untill he cheated on me and left me with a 3 year old DD and a 6 month bump and now she can`t stand him as he has turned into this horrible lier.

Anyway what i am trying to say is yes they can grow up and get on with there moms.

Mind you i still get on with his parents and even went there for dinner today, so not all mother in laws are witches either x

Its lovely to hear some of these accounts, as I have three boys and have sometimes worried about this.
What I find a bit troubling is the sense that there is a lot of suspision of men who seem to get on well with their mums. Like they are overly attatched or something.
I just hope that I can be genuinely close to my boys in adulthood, whilst not making them seem like Mummys boys in certain peoples eyes iyswim

DP and all his three brothers got on quite splendidly with their mother.

In fact my two previous exes got on very well with their mothers too, although one of them did have one of those mums who thought the sun was frightfully privileged to be able to shine out of said Ex's bottom, which is not IMO a good relationship, more worship.

DH and BIL both have good relationships with their mum, as does my brother. Not sure why that is, they just do. Yes, they have the odd disagreement but never anything big. Both my mum and my MIL are decent reasonable woman which helps

I know far more men with good relationships with parents than vice versa.

No sorry i don't know of many who have a good relationship with their mums, including dh. It seems to be that they are generally interfering and controlling.

I have a ds & i will never put him & his wife through what my mil has put dh & i through. I think you can be lucky and fall on easy going types, just don't really know of that many now