Relationship with best friend not the same

[Floss89]

I have an old/friend, friends all through school since we were 12,kept in touch through uni years and afterwards.
At times I felt I did a lot of the running and felt we wouldn't have remained friends except for my efforts. But we always had such good laugh together, did loads together weekend trips etc.
For context I am married with kids she is single. She was one of my 3 bridesmaids. We remained close up until maybe 2 years ago. Since then she does contact me but I almost feel like she is just slotting me in. We meet for the occasional walk only. Previously we would have gone on nights out etc did more together. She mentions lots of trips/night outs with other friends that previously I would have joined when I could. She mentions and talks about another friends kids. She never asks after mine or accepts an invite to the occasional bbq at our house etc.
I just get the feeling I have been downgraded.
Even on our walks I feel it is strained. I feel a bit deflated after meeting her. I make an effort to take an interest in her life, make sure I don't bore her with kiddy talk etc.
I guess I am asking if it is worth maintaining this friendship?

Friendships are optional.

After I see my friends I usually feel better and happier than I did before. If you don't feel like this about your friend maybe the friendship is over?

In your position I’d probably just pull back, it just sounds like a natural conclusion to a friendship. Perhaps you will pick up again in the future but I would just step back and be less available or not be the one to tech out and just see what happens.

It’s really sad when old friendships end but it is a natural part of life.

I agree with the others. Gently pull back and concentrate on other friendships for now. It may be that the friendship is rekindled in the future but no point in you both forcing it at the moment.

I've had friendships like this in the past, friends through high-school and college, went separate ways for a number of years, moved close by and bumped into each other again. We were close for about 5 or 6 years but with us moving away and both starting family's we just have drifted apart again. I'm not particularly hurt by it, we still message hey every so often, we just don't meet frequently or share lots of detail about our lives.

The 2 years coincides with covid. How did you treat her during covid times @Floss89? A lot of single people were finding that they were largely forgotten about I.e. a lot of people hunkering down with their husbands/kids/family and not checking in on their friends that much.

It's crisis times like covid when you know who your true friends and support structures are. She may have felt hurt by your behaviour and decided to focus more on other friends/those who made the most effort with her. As a single person you actually need more support than someone in a couple since you don't have the husband etc. Not saying you should have dropped your family to prioritise her, just that if the support was lacking, quite naturally she'll now be looking to focus on her time on other friendships who looked out for her more. Best to have a direct chat with her to ask how she's feeling as it could also be something completely unrelated

This happened to me @SarahDarah - one of my best friends went silent and didn't contact me for 6 months after covid. Not to check in on me or anything - and yes they have a partner. Other friends with partners didn't behave this way to be fair.

As long as you still value the friendship, I find it quite selfish behaviour. They went back to being a great friend again but disappeared again. We have been friends since we were 13 but have grown apart due to this behaviour.

I can’t be friends with anyone who didn’t make an effort during Covid. What’s the point? It sounds like this friendship is over

You mention that she is single. Is she trying to meet someone, so wants to be out with other single women, rather than with a married friend?

@janeseymour78 yes totally agree it's selfish and hurtful behaviour. Even with the demands of a family, it only takes less than a minute to check in on someone and to do it regularly. You can't expect for the friendship to be the same again after letting down a friend so badly and not acknowledging it, apologising and making amends.

There was sooo much incessant talk of parents with kids and how impacted they were due to covid. Yes it was hard but actually single people living alone or without support structures suffered WAY more than couples/families. I would imagine the crippling loneliness, the worry of who will support you if you got badly ill with covid, financially how you will manage if you lost your job and dont have the buffer of a partner income to help etc etc.
If anything, it was a good lesson to the many parents who take teachers for granted and are used to other people taking responsibility for their own child.