Narcissistic friends how to handle

[Glowtastic]

I have a "friend" who I now realise has narcissistic traits underpinned by v low self esteem. She alternately idealises me and devalues me. DH says she's always used me as someone to walk into a room with as she feels like when we're together she'll get more attention. I realise on reflection she "love bombed" me at the beginning of our friendship and now picks me up and drops me at will. She's very disparaging, rude and patronising to me in front of other people. She's a very aggressive and over sexualised flirt and nearly all her friendships are with men. If she meets a straight couple she'll try and forge a friendship with the man but not the woman. Then wonders why she can no longer see the man and acts all wronged that the "jealous" partner keeps her from her friend. I've never ever known anyone with quite so many friends, but it's all very superficial.

Anyway on occasion she can be a loyal and decent friend and person but due to lots of stuff I can't really say on here I've suffered much heartache over her, more than I ever have with any partner. I'm shy and socially awkward and think she manipulated that to her own advantage.

Anyway I'm becoming more and more guarded, I no longer make arrangements with her, I wait for her to contact me. I keep topics very neutral talking to her.

My question is has anyone else had experience of this and how have they handled it?

Just... don't be friends with her any more? It's not obligatory.

Oh dear, she sounds awful, to be honest. She really isn't the sort of person you can rely on as a friend, is she?

Read your own post back, and ask yourself what you would say if someone told you their friend was behaving like this. What would you tell them to do?

Why would you want to do that?
You aren’t even a person to her, you are a prop.

I have actually tried to end the friendship but is wasnt a great moment, she'd yet AGAIN invited a horde of people on a night out and proceeded to go off with them leaving me standing awkwardly chatting with disinterested strangers. I've had words with her about this, I'm not interested in meeting her swarm of friends and making small talk. I hate it. It was a final straw type moment and I told her I'd had enough of her inconsiderate selfish behaviour. She went completely hysterical.

I think I'm just going to keep it as a mutual interests thing. We both like one particular thing that's quite niche, I'll do that with her and that's it. I've detached from her emotionally so won't feel hurt again, neither will I allow myself to reattach to her.

You sound like you dislike her and perhaps she feels similarly towards you? I definitely wouldn't 'reattach' to her but you might want to ask yourself why you ended up in way too deep? If someone behaves like an arsehole to you then it's perfectly ok to drop their friendship.

You really don't need to do this. You are t obliged to explain yourself, and you do t have to get her to recognise/agree to end your friendship.

Just avoid her. Make excuses. Block her if you must, but be aware that will bring drama.

Use a load of boring, non dramatic excuses so she loses interest in you.
'Sorry I'm so tired these days'
'Sorry, I'm behind on chores'
'Can't come, I've got a headache'.

I'm generally excessively truthful, but with narcs you need to be careful.

Read up on great rock. And don't worry about her, despite her performances she'll be fine.