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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Widowed SO

29 replies

KikiSB · 26/02/2022 12:57

Hi, I have been with my partner for a little over 5 years. His wife died just over 10 years ago and, recently, he has started to bringer her up a LOT more. I spent Christmas with him and my prents, and we had a traditional Polish Christmas which was lovely, except "we always did this". He's Scottish, and his wife was of Polish heritage.

We have had other Chrstmases with him, and they have NEVER been traditionally Polish. He also didn't stop talking about how wonderful she was, and how much he misses her. All in front of me and my parents. Now I know she was the love of his life, but he has, up until recently, been quite sparing with talking about her and I am seriously confused.

He won't talk about it and when it does get mentioned, apparently I'm overreacting.

ANother point si I brought up the fact that he still has pictures of her in 'our' bedroom, and all around the house.

I don't begrudge him his grief and his time with this woman, but this sudden upsurge of 'her' is somewhat disconcerting and is making em question the whole relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
KikiSB · 04/03/2022 13:22

@BatshitCrazyWoman

God, OP, this is rubbish for you. Why does he want 'all her things' still? Surely he would keep some special things and pass on clothes etc?
But they are all so special. Apparently.
OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 04/03/2022 15:07

I do feel for you, OP. Someone's half used deodorant (for example) isn't special. I think perhaps your relationship has reached it's peak - he has what he wants - you - as well as a house full of his late wife's belongings and photos.

Original poster
KikiSB · 04/03/2022 15:33

@BatshitCrazyWoman

I do feel for you, OP. Someone's half used deodorant (for example) isn't special. I think perhaps your relationship has reached it's peak - he has what he wants - you - as well as a house full of his late wife's belongings and photos.
I think what he wants is to recreate what he had with her - single parent, teenage son, etc., and I was the right warm body at the right time ...

Thanks all for the opinions - it is pretty clear just wante =d validation that I am not being an arse feeling this way. xx

OP posts:
SapatSea · 04/03/2022 17:00

Good luck.

Sounds like there are three of you in the RL and you come in 3rd place.

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