As the thread title says.
It's long, it's complicated. I don't want to challenge him directly, we will have been married for 5 years if I can avoid saying it aloud for 6 more months.
Of course, it's not what he says, it's what he does.
I didn't ever want to marry again. He wanted it.
His DD who was 17 at the time warned me that he is a grumpy bastard - and how. His DS stopped speaking to H when his DS was 14, despite my best efforts they have seen each other maybe twice since, which I think is terribly sad.
He doesn't know how to talk about feelings, he doesn't seem to want to socialise, doesn't want me to work in my chosen career because even though I'm feeling too old for it myself it is my career. It was easy for him to persuade me to stop, as I say, I was exhausted and it was making me ill. He earns enough to support both of us comfortably.
We live in the middle of nowhere, anywhere I commute would be a long journey. I have tried working away, he doesn't like that either, he doesn't want me to stay away during the week.
I'm peri, the insomnia is excruciating. I fell asleep this afternoon and forgot to set an alarm. I take responsibility for that. When he came to bed at 11.30pm he woke me up, he needs silence to get to sleep. As he had woken me I wanted to go to the loo, get into my pyjamas and brush my teeth, which stopped him from falling asleep. Around midnight he stomped downstairs, he's still there now.
He says he does want to, but we don't have sex, he seems to avoid it. When I say that he doesn't cuddle me or even touch me, he cites the fact that he grabs me when I'm in the kitchen and I've got my hands full. I wouldn't say that it is affectionate at all.
We both come from difficult parents. I've done a lot of work on myself. Ex H says as much.
I don't think he knows how to love. Despite coaxing, cajoling and asking outright he can't talk about his feelings. Originally I had thought that he was avoiding talking about his feelings, but after all these years I'm not even sure that he is aware when he is feeling anything. Don't misunderstand - I don't nag him about it, this is just what has become apparent after being together for eight years.
Everyone, my friends and everyone thinks that he is 'so nice'. I smile along and agree with them, whilst thinking to myself if only you knew. They say 'you can see when he looks at you how much he adores you'. He's acting. That's not how he looks with me when we're home.
Sometimes I simply want to know how he feels about things.
Since we were married he has barely told me that he loves me, though he doesn't tell me that he hates me either. When I have asked whether he does love me he says 'of course', as though me asking is ridiculous.
If I want to talk to him he will respond to an email conversation.
I'm upstairs, he's still downstairs. I think that he wants me to chase after him, but I don't want to. Not this time. I'm worn out with it.
I feel like I've been living in an emotional vacuum for years, it makes me incredibly sad.
Sorry for the long ramble, I have no-one else to talk to.