Managing a narc at work

[Sankayadead]

I'm line manager to someone I'm fairly sure has narcissistic personality disorder. I think probably Munchausen's syndrome too. It's difficult and exhausting. Does anyone have any experience of this? Every single thing is a drama, constant meetings, unrealistic demands/expectations, and so much martyrdom. It's local authority, so there's no option to end their contract.

Keep detailed contemporaneous notes and avoid 1:1s!

As above but also avoid applying psychiatric diagnosis to your colleagues

Of course you can end their contract, i.e. sack them, you just have to do it properly. It takes effort, but that's your job if they aren't doing their job effectively.

Can you do very structured, regular one on ones? Once a week and only that, leave all business til then, ask them to bring half page of notes and to take notes and send to you? In other words, support but they'll need to do the work around their dramas, not you?

Dr Ramani on You Tube is a good resource.
It’s difficult to beat narcissists. Make sure you do everything 100% by the book as a narcissist is always the victim. Grey rock helps-narcissists hate that. Remember, they are entitled and special.

Agree with PP about doing everything by the book. Get lots of evidence.

I would also be wary of direct confrontation or being alone with them. They can be nasty and manipulative and indulge in smears, my experience of it anyway. But you can still record all the issues and problems with them and just do this pragmatically and as neutrally as you can. I know you say local authority but there is still (surely) a limit to what they can get away with? Do you yourself have a manager or personnel manager you can go to? Be careful though.

You could also start thinking about a new job. Especially if you can’t rely on your bosses backing you up.

Find another job?

Thanks everyone, these are really helpful. I hadn't heard of the grey rock technique, it sounds like a great strategy!

I agree to avoid labelling them, that will just do your head in. When you are dealing with them stay in touch constantly with the fact that you are 'just' working with them, so address what needs to be addressed and then give all their drama back to them. Otherwise you end up further entrenched. Minimise contact and be as direct as possible and then just let them jog on. If the drama isn't fed by you they will find someone else to feed it.

I suspect my boss is a narcissist so I'm leaving. I know from awful experience you cannot win against them. She even turned me handing my notice in (I did it nicely and positively, nothing about her) into it all being about her and how much extra work she will have to do now. Thats when I knew I'd made the right choice.