Crossroads?

[JoJo77603]

I'm going to try and be as neutral as possible so I can get varied opinions.
I own my home (no mortgage or rent - inherited) my partner moved in 2 years ago (been dating 8 years) and we split the household bills equally because we were earning the same. Last year I was made redundant and was really struggling with paying the same amount. My partner is earning 3x time my benefits (ESA & PIP) so I asked him to contribute more. He refuses saying I spend too much on items (I'm now self employed and was setting up) or that he rather move out than contribute more towards the household bills. So last month he moved out and I can claim UC which is slowly getting me out of debt.
We are still seeing each other but live separately. My family think I'm selfish and money oriented rather than keeping a relationship together. My friends think the opposite and are disgusted that he would rather move out than contribute.
I'm at crosswords between still keeping the relationship or move on from everything that has gone on? Thank you for reading.

You have inherited a home, from family passed I presume, it is yours.

It is totally yours.

You decide who does and does not live there under what rules or not rules.

Who cares what family or friends 'think', this is your life, what you need to do. What you definitely don't need to do is pay a mortgage.

Or carry someone who hasn't paid a mortgage.

How your relationship progresses from here? Who knows. Don't make yourself financially worse or vulnerable for one regardless. I assume you won't inherit a second house if another gets their claws into this one?

So, DP was happy to commit to living with you at reduced cost due to no mortgage on the property but when you needed help he refused.... despite earning 3 x what you did!!

Sounds like a real gem!

With all the money he's saved by living with you, has he got loads of savings?

Your family is wrong, your friends are right.

Geez I'm disgusted at him and your family.

He's benefited from living rent free and wouldn't help with the bills beyond 50% he is the money orientated one!!

I'd help a friend in that situation let alone a "partner"

I personally think he's out of order. You're supposed to be in a relationship and when you're struggling, he should want to help and support you. Besides moving out would mean that he would have to spend more financially because he'd had to pay for rent/mortgage on top of bills.

I can sort of see why he might have done this, if you have no rent / mortgage then him paying more 50% is subsiding your living expenses, but he still has no real say over what happens.

If he moves into his own place he has control over his own living space, but will cost him more, even so bit of a dick move after you being made redundant

This for me is about scale and relationship...

If this is a potential life long relationship... I am sorry but this is not how he sees it and if you are looking for more, then this is not where you want to be.

If you think this has potential to be a long term commitment see above (He doesn’t).
If this is not a potential life long relationship.. Are you asking for a vastly above what he is paying by renting elsewhere and if so can he easily afforded it?
If this can be comfortably bridged you need to access the relationship and probably move on... Sorry to express this but ..

He sounds like a bellend.

Thank you for all your replies, it's greatly appreciated.
The comment about savings made me realise that I haven't put that he gambles. He says he doesn't spend a lot, but I've worked out that he spent £600 last month. I've asked several times to see his bank statements (he has shown me in the past so it's not something new) but he refuses to show me. To me this raises trust issues.
I know I should probably end the relationship especially as there are other issues such as not offering much emotional support, if any. But I think of all the good times and think that I won't find anyone better (I'm fine in my own company).
Sorry to offload, just at crossroads.

He gambles.

Huge red flag.

Run as fast as possible in the other direction. You'll never have financial security.

He's a gambler. You will definitely find others better than him.