Is there a word for this "tactic" during an argument?

[AliceAbsolum]

Do you know if there is a word for when someone fake agrees with you? Like in an argument they go "oh fine let's just go with what you say, I'm sorry, you have it your way"
But it's bullshit, they don't agree at all?

DH does this and I find it so childish and passive aggressive

Thanks wise ones

I grey rock my dad by doing this
"yes yes I am sure you are right"

Actually, I think he is using the tactic of 'yes-dearing', second only to 'mansplaining' in its power to aggravate.

No its not compromise. Its like when someone asks someone else if they are ok, they say 'fine' through gritted teeth but there is still all the atmosphere

He’s doesn’t sound much older than 15, tbh. Is this truly how he approaches every disagreement? Bet he doesn’t talk to his colleagues like that when they disagree with him!

Why do things have to be a disagreement and why do they need to be discussed until you are satisfied? I can think of nothing more tedious and have said "let's agree to disagree" when I think someone's view is incorrect but
they refuse to listen to any thought contrary to what they are asserting is correct. Can't be arsed wasting my time listening to them.

Is it victim-playing? Is he trying to make out that you are a bully?
So something like this:

Him: Let's have dinner in front of the TV.
You: Er, I'd like to have some family time, and -
Him: (rolls eyes) OK, OK! Have it your way.

• sits in silence throughout the meal -

It's the only thing we argue about - I think he is overly critical he thinks I'm over sensitive. Every week or so something tiny will happen e. G I forget to lock the back door, or his cup will go missing, and 9 times out of 10 he blames me first.
Today he lost this cup, I saw it under the cupboard yesterday but forgot to pick it up. He asked me if I'd seen it, I said it was under the cupboard he said - "why did you put it under there?" in an accusatory tone.... As if I would put a cup under a cupboard?!
Then when I say I feel he is being overly critical, he disagrees, then goes into "fine fine let's agree with you, I'm sorry"
He's not sorry. He thinks he is being asked to never speak out of turn and to never assume I'm to blame for anything "to speak perfectly all the time"

@AliceAbsolum

Thanks everyone. He does it whenever we have a disagreement, early on before we can really start to resolve anything.

I dont goad him I just want to sort it out. If we dont communicate how can we resolve things!

How do you agree to disagree??

Just LTB and save yourself a lifetime of heartache. You can't communicate with someone who shuts down communication in this way.

If you agree to disagree with someone it means you both continue to hold your opposing views and don't debate the subject again.

Not a problem if you're debating the aesthetic merits of this jumper over that one.

But if his opposing views are stuff like his opinion that you're not allowed to have basic human rights, eg bodily autonomy and choosing how to spend your time, then he's a knob and you'll never change him so stop trying.

@AliceAbsolum

It's the only thing we argue about - I think he is overly critical he thinks I'm over sensitive. Every week or so something tiny will happen e. G I forget to lock the back door, or his cup will go missing, and 9 times out of 10 he blames me first. Today he lost this cup, I saw it under the cupboard yesterday but forgot to pick it up. He asked me if I'd seen it, I said it was under the cupboard he said - "why did you put it under there?" in an accusatory tone.... As if I would put a cup under a cupboard?! Then when I say I feel he is being overly critical, he disagrees, then goes into "fine fine let's agree with you, I'm sorry" He's not sorry. He thinks he is being asked to never speak out of turn and to never assume I'm to blame for anything "to speak perfectly all the time"

So he's an arsehole. I suspected as much. You don't have to take this shit.

OP just to be clear, what you've described isn't a discussion. It's him bullying you (a consistent campaign of put downs and unfairly blaming for things, designed to make you feel bad) and when you try i stand up for yourself he shuts you down. It's emotional abuse, not a conversation or difference of opinion.

It is appeasement. Just humouring you.

The response I'd give to the cup is "I'm not the idiot who put it under the cupboard. You're an adult, keep track of your own stuff. I'm not here to pick up after you"

victim blaming and passive agressive. gaslighting I would mostly say.

You could turn it on him and say, oh yes, i regularly go around hiding cups in inaccessible places. I would incline to do this as his PA would really annoy me and I think you are just pandering to his antics. Calling him out clearly isn't working

So he can criticise you, but when you criticise him, he cuts off the conversation by acting as if you are overly argumentative and he is the victim.
Agree that this is not about you having different opinions at all.

Stonewalling

Maybe not as blatant as some stonewalling, where someone will just shut down and not say a word or just stare at you or so on but it's definitely part of the same family of behaviour.
He just wants you to shut up basically, so the issue never gets resolved.

Thing is, if the person who disagrees with you isn't going to change their mind, there's no point in continuing a discussion about it. Like your not hiding the cup - yes, he was being an idiot, but what purpose does it serve to have a three hour long argument because you want him to accept that you didn't put it there? You could withdraw from a pointless argument with a 'Fine. have it your way', still think he's a dick (because he is), but you wouldn't have him insisting that you admit it for hours. Or you roll your eyes and he still thinks it but it's just not worth the aggro for a bloody cup.

Save your energy for bigger items/divorce/whatever.

I'd call it keeping the peace, can't be bothered to argue cos it's not that important. Being diplomatic

Bit of context - Been together 21 years since we were 17. Generally we rarely argue. Lots of stress on at the moment in life so that's not helping.
He is not an emotionally abusive person. But this behavior is shit and it makes me feel horrible.

We all get stressed and speak out of turn sometimes, I don't expect perfection. However, over the last year this has become more of a habit and I'm not just going to accept it blindly.

I think you are all right though in that I'm getting too involved and engaging too much. I should have said something like "you are blaming me for something I have not done, I don't find this acceptable" and walked away.

I'm in a hotel room now because I tried to make up and he just wasn't having it. When I brought up forgetting to lock the door he said "why can't you just lock the house up properly, why is it me being overly critical" And yes I should have! But I'm a human we all make mistakes.

But at the end of the day if someone can overly criticize me, and I have no ground or ability to have an adult conversation about that then that seems a bit fucked up to me.

If he wants to continue one word answers then that's his choice. So I calmly left for the night.

Hopefully it will make him think about his need to blame you instead of being a decent adult.
He wouldn't blame a work colleague for hiding his cup under a cupboard.