How did you get over emotional abuse?

[TuscanApothecary]

I was a MN poster girl for being told to LTB and that he was emotionally abusive. I received tons of great advice. It took me posting in March 21 to the start of Dec to leave him. I re-read previous threads yesterday after another round of him emotionally blackmailing me to get back with him (which I didn't).

I'm in a much better place, I finally feel happier although it goes up and down. I journal, I've started counselling, I've redecorated, I've meditated, I've lost myself and found myself. But the stress of the relationship has caused me issues. My hair started falling out although it's ok now. I have sciatica which I've never had before. I've been off work more than I've been in work where every slight illness is flooring me.

I can't block him, although I don't respond to his rubbish anymore. Emotionally I've detached. We are starting divorce proceedings 6th April for the no fault divorce.

How do I get myself back to how I was before? How did you? I was happy, bubbly, friendly and really loved my life. I didnt question myself like I do now, I was confident, I miss the old me. I can't quite believe what I allowed to happen to myself.

My old threads.. I wish I could shake myself! They were all based around what I could do to stop his temper. I bent myself into a pretzel so many times to make it work.

Anyone have any top tips?

To be honest the only thing I found worked was time. I left my X in Nov 2019, finally finished things with him in Feb 2020. The posters on MN were instrumental in making me see that what I didn't want to accept as red flags was abusive, controlling behaviour and for that I will be forever thankful. I didn't realise quite how awful it had got, but I had put huge amounts of weight on and during our relationship I had developed trichotillomania, an anxiety based condition which caused me to pull hair out of my eyebrows and head.

I used exercise to give me some control and order, then managed to shift 7 stone. I do things for me now. I am with someone else and have been for 9 months, and he is a complete bloody delight to be with. I'm still waiting for the hair to grow back - I managed it by actually telling my brother (who I live with) so that if I started doing it absent mindedly he would tell me. The patch I pulled on my head is about 5 inches long now and pissing me off on a daily basis, but it is a constant reminder of how much being with someone abusive can affect you without you even realising.

Good luck. Embrace the freedom and be kind to yourself - abusive behaviour doesn't happen overnight, and neither does healing from it.