Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Could councilling make him go back

5 replies

Icebox11 · 25/02/2022 12:17

My boyfriends been offered councilling today through a charity. His heads a mess and it has been hard work. I met him when he was on a road to recovery after alcohol dependency. He's a lovely man. Broken from traumas. Hard working. Always tries but has had with abit of difficulty this last year. His landlords are selling the house. He's currently out of work. His car was crashed into by an artic lorry in September and that company wriggled out of the claim and he's now waiting for the ombudsman to help which could take weeks.

His heads still allover the place from the past. His dad. His ex. His old life. He's often looking back over old photos and memories.

I am fully supportive and so relieved He's getting some help. I hope it will help him clear his head out. But I'm a little bit anxious about him having to go back and think even more about the past. Particularly with his ex. He doesn't seem to know how to fully get over the emotions regarding the split. She's abit of a pain in the neck. She messes with his head. She will message him and say how are you. Then she will try and pick fault in me. Or ask him about a person she's noticed liked his latest picture of Facebook. Because she helped him when he was drinking he feels he wants to remain friends with her because he caused alot of hurt. But he also will say he can't forgive her for what she did but likes her for what she did for him.

I'm worried this could actually set him back focusing on that relationship instead of us and going forward. I'm trying to prepare myself that him mindset could change due to bringing up old memories.

Can anyone advise me.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 25/02/2022 12:27

There's no predicting what counselling will do for him and how it will change him but if it's what he needs to do it's what he needs to do.
We can't control another person's process according to our own needs.

Mamamamasaurus · 25/02/2022 12:39

I say this as kindly as possible, but he sounds like he isn't over his ex. And his troubles aren't yours to solve.

I appreciate that emotions are complex, and I'm not trying to detract from your own feelings towards him - but this situation sounds like it has many, complicated twists and turns and I'd be seriously considering if now is the right time for him to be in a relationship at all, and for you to be in a relationship with him. We can't fix everything for everyone, you're doing yourself a disservice if you believe that you can.

TuscanApothecary · 25/02/2022 12:45

Have you posted about him before? It sounds familiar.

I don't think I could be with someone not over their ex. Stop trying to help him and make your own life happier.

Icebox11 · 25/02/2022 14:43

I've just ended the relationship as he lashed out at me in a phone call when I tried to express how I felt too

OP posts:
prickferrari · 25/02/2022 15:43

I bet later on today or tomorrow he will call and say' I'm sorry, I got so much going on, I've been hurt' yada yada and you might just let it go and forgive him because you are scared to be alone. I say this because someone who wasn't scared to be alone wouldn't put up with a partner who isn't over their ex and who lashes out during difficult conversations. Difficult being you have needs. I'm wondering what your childhood was like for you to feel this relationship is healthy for you?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread