Hi all. I have come for some advice please.
I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have had our own home for 2 years. We are both 26.
2 years ago, something happened with my partner’s dad - he was exposed to be a man nobody thought he was and he went to prison.
Since then my partner has isolated himself from friends, as because of his dad’s actions, his family name has been dragged through the mud.
Lucky our house is away from the area. But overtime, my boyfriend’s state of mind has got worse.
He will come in from work, shut himself away in his office and play on his PlayStation all night. He doesn’t clean himself properly, doesn’t brush his teeth. His hygiene has become terrible. He has always been big, but he has put loads of weight on.
He has no motivation to do anything. He doesn’t really go out unless he is at work. His diet is terrible.
He doesn’t show me much care and attention anymore and can become frustrated at me. For example he went into the kitchen the other day and couldn’t open a drawer because ‘I hadn’t put things in the drawer correctly’. He got a saucepan and kicked it across the hallway. I always feel like I am treading on eggshells and the more I get into this the more I hardly recognise him.
I told him when he did this that I am leaving him because I just can’t do his mood swings and taking care of him and our home anymore. I asked him what he wants out of life and his response was that he doesn’t want life.
I was upset with this and called my parents. Unbeknownst to me, my mum came over and asked to speak to him. They argued and mum told him how it’s not fair for him to keep punishing me for what has happened. He then broke down into tears and she took him to the doctors for an immediate appointment. They are putting him through some counselling which is positive. I’m glad my mum stepped in because he wouldn’t accept help from me.
This was yesterday. He came home last night and asked me for some space. He then came up to bed and layed next to me but didn’t speak to me. I kept trying to hug him but I was getting nothing back.
I know that he is going through a tough time, but it feels so hurtful for me to be shut out. I went to sleep in the spare room and told him that he is confusing me by asking for space and then coming into bed to sleep with me but not even look at me.
I don’t want to sound selfish, or be selfish but I am suffering too and just don’t know what to do for the best anymore. I want to support him through this, but every time I try and he pushes me away I lose a piece of myself.