When a child loves their father, convicted of abuse at court.

[Fightingback17]

I’ve been on here a while under a very similar username.

Today after 2 years and 3 months my daughter will see her father.

The emotional abuse I suffered was extreme over the 10 year marriage. I suffered a breakdown and was left with complex-ptsd and chronic fatigue syndrome. I have fought at court the absolute best I can for my daughter as her father should not be allowed near her but alas I have lost. They have acknowledged the abuse but still believe contact is the way forward.

She is only 6 and he had very little to do with her before I left but alas again she loves him and is excited to see him. I have never bad mouthed him or told her what he did to me and to her.

It’s supervised at first but they are working towards unsupervised. I’m at al loss of what to do with myself. She is hopping and skipping a song about seeing her daddy today and Im dying inside.

Today is just a video call and then will meet in a few days later. I have to be on the call with my daughter and a support worker and him. I really don’t want to see his face or hear his voice as I know I will be triggered even though I’ve come to far.

I don't understand why you have to be on the video call. Call you ask a friend or relative to do it for you?

I don’t understand either why have to be on the call.
Surely if you have a support worker with you is it not her job to supervisor the call. Even if you are sitting out of sight of your ex. Although I suspect this is about it being better for the child too see both parents getting on

The support worker is on another line she is not with me. I was not given the option, I was just told mum will be with child on a call. I thought I could do it for my daughter, it’s a big deal and I wanted to support her and now I’m just bricking it.

I had to do similar but it was a voluntary agreement. I did find the video calls triggering, but you can do it for your little girl. Can you do the calls away from your house? Maybe at a friend's or family member's? You might benefit from having someone nearby to support you and it means you don't associate being triggered with your new home. Good luck, it is really hard.

Someone needs to facilitate the call. You don’t have to be in shot. You could ask a trusted friend to do it while you stay in another room?

Video call not happening now as he is too busy at work so it’s cancelled. Safe to say daughter is very upset.

Well, the social worker can document that he has failed to put DD first, even with notice, for something he is supposedly fighting for.

Pity the social worker can't see how upset DD is.

I do wonder if children, at 18, could sue the decision makers for forcing contact with abusive arseholes. This would be a way to stop such nonsense as money would be at stake.

If you were choosing to spend time with an abusive man then you would be at risk if losing your child. If the courts say you must see and abusive man then you have to facilitate.

I hope your child is okay.

@Fightingback17

Video call not happening now as he is too busy at work so it’s cancelled. Safe to say daughter is very upset.

Make sure you document this and every other time he misses contact

Then go back and say it’s messing with your child, he’s not interested and it needs to stop

Can you get some sort of doctors letter to present to court to say you can’t be on the calls as it triggers your PTSD, and therefore you will find a friend or family member to help?

The support worker said that I was told this might happen and it’s part of it and she isn’t bothered. I’m wondering if she even gave him notice.

All you can do is absolute beef them up on their boundaries and what good relationships look like and how we should talk about our feelings. Send her out knowing her rights, her worth, her value. Not only will she keep communicating with you about her contact time but also in her life she will be that much more likely to identify abuse as an adult and keep herself safe.