Your advice please

[Kleppy10]

Ive been with my bf for 3.5 years and lived with him for just over a year. We live in his house with a small mortgage that he doesnt want me to contribute to for obvious reasons. He has 2 children 1 teen and one young adult, the adult lives with us and i have a young adult son who lives with us. I pay half of the bills and buy all of the food. I also do all of the household chores with little help. His child doesnt contribute financially, mine does.

My concern is this. He's made it very clear that we will never marry. His will currently states that should he die the house is to be sold and split beteeen his kids. He has two executors a family member and a friend.
I have no issue with his kids getting everything, he worked for years to get what he has and its all his. I would never take a penny even if we did marry.

What I am concerned about is that if he does die (which I'm hoping he doesn't!) me and my son would be homeless and I would have to let 2 other people come into the house to sort his property and finances. He says I'm his partner for life but I feel very insecure, he could kick us out any time he likes. I have no rights.

I've spoken to him about his will, to change it so we can't just be thrown out with no notice and to make me an executor. He refuses to change it. He says I would have to ask the executors not to sell and let us stay however I would be responsible for all of the running costs if they agreed not his kids.

I have no property or savings due to my divorce so have no will myself. Life insurance would go to my son as its all i have to leave him.

I feel this situaton is very unfair. I don't want anything other than a bit of security. I'm not his partner in reality am I?

Like I say I dont want to be left anything, just to be acknowledged as his partner should anything happen.

I would appreciate your comments please

I hope you are saving.

Can I just outline the reality of what is likely to happen if you are made homeless with no job and or no money.

You would need to present to the counsel as homeless. The council will then push you to live with a friend or relative because they are so stretched that they will do literally anything to get you out of the door. If you have someone you can stay with you will then have to save the money and find private rented accommodation or be put on the council waiting list, but your priority banding will be low as you have a bed, no matter how short term. If you have absolutely nowhere to go then you are likely to be directed to a homeless hostel in the short term, presuming there is hostel space available. They will then look for temporary accommodation for you, but by temporary this could mean anything from six weeks to years, and this will either be a B and B, but not the kind you stay in when you’re on holiday, or a bedsit or flat, again probably not the kind you would ever choose to live in. Also it’s very likely to be out of area, and how far depends very much on where you live. If you don’t take it the council will wash their hands of you. You will go onto the council waiting list, and depending on what your priority banding is it could be between months and years until you can even start bidding. If you’re out of area then you will stay out of area, if you’re still in area but the council offer you housing elsewhere you will have little or no choice other than to take it. I live in the Midlands, London is 130 miles away yet we get people rehoused here from London.

This is not a remote possibility, this is the likely reality if or when the relationship breaks down. Having a disabled son won’t prevent this from happening, it might make it marginally less grim, but we are splitting hairs here, because which ever way you flip it it’s grim.

Remember, if you have no job and/or no money you have absolutely no control over whether this happens to you or not or when it happens, because you are completely at the whim of your partner who can kick you out of his house whenever he chooses. You have no rights as a tenant whatsoever. Unless this relationship lasts for the rest of your life and he outlives you, and let’s face it the odds aren’t great for that, this will be your reality at some point.

Hit the nail on the head. I'm scared

At the moment he is getting a very good deal. You are supporting his and his child’s lifestyle.
You pay for:
All the food
Half of the bills
Do all the housework
And in addition your son pays rent.

I think I’ve got that correctly? Why are you paying for all the food, you should stop that immediately.
In effect he’s got himself a housekeeper, but he doesn’t pay her any wages. Instead, she pays half his living costs and buys all the food for the household!

Surely you and your son could afford a place together? After all, if your partner died tomorrow that’s exactly what you would have to do.

While I can understand that he wants to leave his property to his children, he isn’t considering you at all, in fact he’s taking advantage of you financially.
You should take steps to live independently from him, for your own best interests.

@Kleppy10

Hit the nail on the head. I'm scared

And as I said, that’s understandable

You jumped from the frying pan to the fire, when you were faced with a sudden big decrease in income. Not even the fire at the time - it wasn’t a bad decision, you didn’t know your trust was misplaced, and you are saving money.

But I really think you should speak to CAB now, and - as MN likes to say - get your ducks in a row!

It seems to me that he's using you to get what he can, ie you're buying all the food and splitting the bills. For what? He clearly doesn't think that you are important enough to consider or care about what would happen to you if he died.

Do you really want to stay with someone like this?

Some thing you can do right now OP, get your backside down the council and get yourself on the housing list. Your banding will be at the bottom as you currently have somewhere to live, but in the event of your being made homeless you won’t have to wait the eight or however many weeks it takes to process your application to go on.

Why do you buy all the food?

her son has some disability i think, she wont be at the bottom of the list.

To be honest I think he’s a very selfish man and you and your son are being treated as lodgers in his home, albeit ones who buy food and contribute to the bills and on top of that you do the housework for 3 adults living in the property.
F*ck that, let him and his son find his own mortgage and bill money and pay a cleaner.
Protect you and your son and start renting your own place. He won’t even give you a year’s grace in the house if it comes to it.

Don’t you believe it. I have been through this situation, although I thankfully found private rental because I had some money, but I have a severe disability and I have a child, and this is what would have happened to me had I not had that money.

You do the OP no favors whatsoever bye telling her fairytales. Being made homeless in this country is no joke, disability or not.

And, depending very much on where you live, finding private rented accommodation if you have no job can be very difficult indeed. Even if you get enough in disability benefits to more than cover your rent, it can still be incredibly difficult. I know, I have lived it, several times.

Sorry, my last post was meant for @bluebell34567

He did offer to give me a 6 month rolling tenancy agreement a few weeks ago. My response is not repeatable lol

Always have your own back, l live alone in my own home and intend to stay that way, everything will go to my sons. I have witnessed so many people l know end up in such a mess when the relationship breaks down or their unmarried partner dies.
Protect yourself and your son OP, sort something out for the two of you, it will be peace of mind.

sorry for what you went through Itwasntmeright .

You would do well to take the tenancy agreement, presuming the terms were acceptable. At least then you would have some rights.

I would go back to him and negotiate this tenancy agreement. Pay a certain amount rent per month, which you should make sure includes none of the food, and have your son as tenant number 2. Then stop paying for all the food and only pay half. Then save as much as you can to get out as soon as possible.
I’m not sure the legalities and notice period when living with a live-in landlord, but at least you would have some statutory rights, and you may be able to claim benefits as a single woman if you are in a lodger situation.

OP you are letting your feelings cloud your judgment massively here. Your partner sees your living with him as a business arrangement, from which he should benefit, you are seeing it as an equal partnership, which it isn’t in any way shape or form. Love and optimism is lovely, but it doesn’t keep a roof over your head. If you were in a completely equal marriage with a partner and a mortgage, you wouldn’t rely on love and optimism to keep a roof over your head then, so why would you do it now?

OP, go to CAB. Just do it.

I wouldn’t advise a tenancy agreement.
What if they split, and the council says, “ah but you’re not homeless - because you can enforce a tenancy agreement (against a man who is now making your life hell)”?

I’m not saying that absolutely would happen - but I am saying, I don’t think @Kleppy10 should take housing advice including contracts from anyone but CAB or Shelter.

I don’t think he can give you a tenancy agreement if he lives there too. It would be a contract as a lodger, which is useless as no notice is required to evict a lodger.

I dont want the house or money, even if we were married. Just the security of not being thrown out and acceptance of being his partner

But if you expect to stay in the property that amounts to a house/money anyway - in other words the things you'd otherwise have to provide for yourself, so the "I don't want his money" seems a bit disingenuous

It sounds as if at least some of his appeal was the solution to your housing problems, but from his tenancy suggestion it's obvious he has no intention of you having a claim on the place and I don't blame him

At least he's being utterly clear though, so you'd do best to drop the optimism and concentrate on your own needs and future housing

6 month rolling f*ing tenancy?!! Why doesn't he just give you a finite relationship contract and be done with it. He sounds awful.