Relationship after baby

[Amummyx]

I have posted before about feeling a bit lost with my life rn. DS is 7months, we brought a house and have been renovating for 5 months but DP has been doing it mainly all on his own. After work he would go straight to the house until 8/9 at night, and on a Saturday he would be there all day. It has been really hard, I had pnd and was desperate to get the house done but also wanted him here so I think I put a lot of pressure on him for both as I was struggling without him but again just desperate to get into the house.
3 weeks ago DP had a bit of a breakdown, become really distant and went and stayed at his mums for a night. He just said he’s feeling so guilty that he’s missed some of the first months of our DS’s life and he is just burnt out. I haven’t helped with pressure and being miserable/tired. And he just seems broken and I’m not sure what to do? He will be fine for a few days and then have a breakdown again, last night he had a panic attack which I’ve never seen him have in 6 years we’ve been together. He said he’s struggling being a dad because he doesn’t know what to do and feels our little boy doesn’t love him as much or know who he is where he’s not spent much time with him.
Since he told me we’ve gone on some date nights, he’s not spent as much time at the house but he still keeps having these thoughts. He’s normally the happiest person I know so it’s hard to see him so down. I really don’t know what more to do, he says he hates himself doesn’t think I love him, we deserve better etc. Feel heartbroken and also scared he will leave as he’s said he feels like giving up, but he keeps reassuring me he will never leave and will keep trying. I just Duno what to do :(

Your DP needs to go to his GP it sounds as though he has PND and anxiety. It affects 1 in 10 men.

I have suggested it, problem is when he’s having his moments he says yeah but then I suggest it another time and he says give him time? I’m struggling myself tbh!
I think I’m worrying that our relationship is coming to an end because of all of this when it’s meant to be a happy and exciting time? Last thing I want is for him to leave me but things feel awkward, he doesn’t talk much where he’s always chewed my ear off yet right now he doesn’t want to talk about the house, I’m not doing much and he’s just not very talkative so things feel a bit awkward. He says he misses our relationship how it was before which I think is normal isn’t it?

Wow. You are both under so much pressure.

For a start, just tell him that you love him.

Can you get some outside help for the building project? That's A LOT to deal with on top of full-time work and a newborn.

How do you support him?

I do keep reminding him I love him, well me and DS love him and adore him. Just doesn’t feel good enough right now. We’ve had the talk 4/5 times in the last 3 weeks, everytime he tells me a bit more about why he’s feeling down. For example last night told me he struggled with my birth as it horrific and he just felt he couldn’t tell me how hard it was for him.
We also are nearly out of money, got a lot of family around to help as we are so close to the end of finishing the house. But he has lost all interest and I’m scared he will hate it when we finally move in!
After the plastering was done, it was a shit hole! So I started going in and tidying, white washing etc to help him and I’ve said I’ll continue to go there for whatever else I can do. I’ve suggested date nights, little holidays as a 3 which will have to be around may time. And told him to book some holiday from work ASAP, he works for my family so I’ve spoken to my dad who said that’s fine whenever he needs it. What else can I do:(