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Original poster

How much help to you get from your partner

26 replies

Skyline24 · 23/02/2022 20:51

Hiya,

So I just want to see how much help people get from their partners with regards to help with kids and general housework?

I work full time, do all housework, look after our daughter everyday on my own. I'm exhausted with it all to be honest.

Please shed some light on how much support you get .

Thanks in advance 😀

OP posts:
Nosetickle · 23/02/2022 20:59

DH works full time and I work part time and term time only, we both work from home. I do the majority of the housework when he’s working and I’m not and same with looking after our DC but as soon as he finishes work we both pitch in and help each other out 50/50. We’re good at recognising when one of us needs a break and the other might do a bit more than the other on the odd occasion to give the other one a break.

G5000 · 23/02/2022 21:01

No help, his house and kids too, he does half of the work.

clouds24 · 23/02/2022 21:03

That's really nice to see how it can be different❤️.. and that you support each other! Really wish I'd get more support it's exhausting when working too ! Xx

Shoxfordian · 23/02/2022 21:11

Dh does more housework than me; we both work full time from home, no kids

Is there any point in having a relationship if he doesn’t support you op?

clouds24 · 23/02/2022 21:15

@Shoxfordian

Dh does more housework than me; we both work full time from home, no kids

Is there any point in having a relationship if he doesn’t support you op?

I know it's rly hard work! Easier said than done though when a child is in the mix too. He does work nights and at times works away .

So it seems there are people out there who do get help!

DogsAndGin · 23/02/2022 21:16

I get zero help, and DH is oblivious to the work he leaves in his wake. He has no idea how much I do to keep the place looking tidy, he is completely clueless. But, he’s out the house 6-6 and I’m out 8-4, so I try not to mind

Regularsizedrudy · 23/02/2022 21:17

He doesn’t “help” we both work together and do our fair share.

lunar1 · 23/02/2022 21:19

DH does half the work when he's home and always has. He works very long hours in a stressful job, but always made sure I had a decent stretch to sleep when he got in from work.

He does whatever house stuff needs doing. I can't imagine him considering it to be helping me!

pumpkinpie01 · 23/02/2022 21:44

I work 25 hours DH does probably 40-50. He gets a day off most weeks as he works every other weekend. He will do washing , sweep all downstairs , ironing , kitchen will always be tidy . We have a high energy dog and he will take her about 6 miles. I cook every day and he washes up every day . On his day off I will quite often ask him to do a few other bits - hoover upstairs, put a pile of clothes away, mop floors etc and he always will. My exh did nothing and I really began to resent him .

ISmellBurnings · 23/02/2022 21:47

He doesn’t ‘help’. DH does whatever needs doing when we’re both home as they’re his kids too and we both live here.

I tend to do the housework on my days off as I’m part time. But that’s my choice.

scarpa · 23/02/2022 21:49

We do it 50/50. I'm working full time and studying in evenings, he's in almost full time training and working 1 day a week.

It's not help, it's just also his responsibility.

We have different 'jobs' - I don't usually cook, he doesn't usually do laundry, for example. But the amount of work/time spent is roughly the same. When he was made redundant he did more as he had more time, and if one of us has more on that week then we'll pick up the slack.

toomuchlaundry · 23/02/2022 21:52

You need to get out of the mindset it is help. It is called parenting and being part of a relationship. He is failing on both counts

HeyEwe · 23/02/2022 22:11

My husband doesn't "help" me at all, he does his share, I don't own the tasks and I'm not his mother so him helping me is a weird way to look at it. We both work full time and have 3 children under 5. Life is very busy for us, one of us not pulling our weight just wouldn't work. Some things he does more and same for me, it just evolved like that rather than defined jobs. He does the food shop and cooking. I do the washing. He baths the older 2 and does bedtime, I sort the youngest. I'll do the hoovering etc more, he does the lawn, DIY, bins, etc. He looks after certain admin, I do others. It's very much 50/50 with the house, kids and admin. I'll be honest when we first lived together he was a man child who grew up with a cleaner at his parents house, his parents are very house proud and he didn't lift a finger. I actually thought I'd divorce him over it in the early days. He did eventually grow up and is a changed man, mumsnet would have told me to ltb × 1000, I didn't thankfully and here we still are 3 children later 😅.

Kite22 · 23/02/2022 22:20

Another confused by the phrase "How much help"

When we had one dc, we were two adults, both working full time, both looking after our dc and both sharing the work of looking after the house / garden / car / paperwork / shopping / laundry etc etc.
We have different things we don't mind doing / really dislike doing and at various points things had to fit in round working hours, but the amount of work done altogether across the month or year, was fairly shared.

Ilovechoc12 · 23/02/2022 22:21

I’m a sahm to 4 kids - 10 and under

Housework none - he might put the bins out.

Food shopping none - as that’s just a “click”

He does admin / paying bills etc

Childcare 10 percent?!?!? He’s currently in London with his work duds so I lost my s**t with him whilst I’m drying 3 kids hair 🤪🤪🤪

But he brings in the cash - very stressful job.

X

thebigpurpleone · 23/02/2022 22:24

Help? It's not helping to look after your own kids!!!

clouds24 · 23/02/2022 22:27

You are all hung up on the word "help" you know what I mean ! Thank you for the replies

drybird · 23/02/2022 22:28

I get none, I've learnt not to get p'd off about it and one day not too far away he can wash his own clothes, cook his own food and if he's really lucky the kids I've raise who rarely see him might want to spend time with him at the weekend once a fortnight. Married single parent ..

Fizzgigg · 23/02/2022 22:31

@clouds24

You are all hung up on the word "help" you know what I mean ! Thank you for the replies
The language is important. If both you and he refer to it as him helping you it implies it's your job and he's doing you favours by pitching in. It's not your job or your work to manage,.undertake or delegate. It's his work too. Equal parents and partners.
Kite22 · 23/02/2022 22:34

OP Are you posting under 2 different names ?

If that is also you (posting as Clouds24), then focusing on the word 'help' is important because it implies that it isn't his responsibility, that somehow he is doing you a favour if he puts his dd to bed, or cooks dinner. That isn't how it is in my life, nor how it should be in my opinion in yours.
You said you both work full time. So, give or take, presumably you then have the same amount of time available to do all the household stuff, childcare, cooking, shopping, admin, car stuff sorting bills, etc etc. So, can you explain why you are aiming for him to "help you" a bit, which, in my book still sounds like you will be doing the bulk of the work with him chipping in occasionally rather than starting from the premise that as there are 2 adults, each does about half of the work.

Mischance · 23/02/2022 22:34

The question "How much help do you get from your partner" implies that he should be helping you with jobs that are yours - which makes no sense at all.

They are not your jobs to be helped with or not as he sees fit - they are responsibilities that are SHARED.

HeyEwe · 23/02/2022 22:35

Op you need to change your thinking, referring to your husband as "helping" it's 2022 not 1952, most women work as much as men and the once defined male and female roles no longer exist. It's just outdated that's why everyone pulled you up on it.

Holothane · 23/02/2022 22:36

N0,kids he’ll hoover I can’t manage the Henry now but I do everything else what I can we have a cleaner as we’re both crippled now with health issues.

delilahbucket · 23/02/2022 22:42

Pretty equal split. We both normally work full time although DH is retraining at the moment so he's doing a bit more as he's on shorter hours. It changes when he's on placement though. My work gets super busy sometimes and he does more. If he's busy I do more. It isn't being helped, we both live in the house and we both do things to look after it/us. Same as DS13 pulls his weight too.

WhoppingBigBackside · 23/02/2022 22:44

How much help to you get from your partner

Reword it as 'Does your partner do his share of the parenting and housework'

The thread title implies that it is your work and the partner might help.