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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed newborn baby

5 replies

Bobby122 · 23/02/2022 20:46

Hi all, so here’s what’s happening.

Me and my so called partner has a newborn baby, matter of 2 weeks ago. 1 week ago she got all strange and said we are no longer the same and didn’t know what she wanted any more.

We have been together for 3 years and have recently moved in properly together only a week or 2 prior to having the baby before that I would stay at hers for about 3 nights a week for the last year or so due to having another child and the lack of space.

For the first few days after birth things were fine then all of a sudden out of no where she has said that things don’t feel the same, she is unhappy with our relationship and didn’t want me there any more and is unsure for us to continue.

For the last 15 years she has never lived with anyone other than her son who is 14 me moving in fully may be causing some of this and lack of space yet I feel she would never fully admit it to the extend it has.

For the last week I have now lived elsewhere, I have seen the baby in her home a few times but things are still the same she is distant in replies, not her normal self and nothing has changed at all.

We have talked and each time I get to what is happening. she says she doesn’t know what she want, don’t push me to make a decision and doesn’t know why there is a rush to make a decision. She also says there are other important things to think before us as our baby isn’t feeding well and has had to go to hospital once or twice but I feel a decision like this is just about as important because it affects baby too.

What do I do?

How long do I wait till the decision is out of her hands and I take control to end it?

Also, how do I act while she is making her so called decision?

I want to give her space but it’s very hard too as I want to see my child as much as I can and this is really clouding what should have been an amazing time of my life.

Advice would be appreciated! Thanks!

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 23/02/2022 20:53

You’ve both had big changes in the last couple of weeks, I wouldn’t do anything yet.
Have the baby blues kicked in yet ?

JustAnotherSod · 23/02/2022 20:56

She had a baby two weeks ago - she will be in the midst of recovering from birthing your child, dealing with the hormones surging through her body and the massive, life altering change that has happened in your lives, and needs support not badgering from you.

Surely you understand that what you need to do is step up, support her and back off whilst you all adjust?

Bobby122 · 23/02/2022 21:33

I don’t think baby blues as she is generally very happy apart from when around me. Unless I’m wrong.

I understand I shouldn’t “badger” her. I have supported the best I can at the distance I am. Either hospital visits, seeing my baby or regular communicate on how baby is.

So I shouldn’t worry what is happening with us or lack of it and just support as much as possible and let it play out

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 24/02/2022 06:54

Yes, give it time to settle into the new way of life and offer support.

She has a teenager, plus a new baby, and a partner recently moved in, it’s a lot to deal with. The teenage years are hard to negotiate, plus the teenager may feel pushed out by the new baby and partner.
Or maybe she has known for a while that the relationship is over.
Either way, give it time for the dust to settle and see where you are at.

Bobby122 · 24/02/2022 08:16

I understand totally in a way that time/settle/support can only be the way forward.

I feel it’s hard to believe that the relationship would be over as only a day or 2 ago it happened she was planning on what we do in the future and expressing love etc. But then again if you truly/deeply did care for your partner then you would do anything but push away to this extent at such an important time.

Maybe I’m just reading it as it feels as I am emotionally attached to what has happened though and feel aggrieved that I’m missing my baby.

Thanks for your comments

OP posts:
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