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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How best for friend to leave marriage

8 replies

JellybeansJelly · 23/02/2022 16:13

Hello!

I just wanted some advice for a friend so I know how best to support and advise her.

She’s been married for several years to someone who has turned out to be controlling and I would say emotionally abusive. She has finally reached the point of wanting to end it, and I’m so pleased that she’s thinking like this. However, she doesn’t know how best to approach it.

He’s already told her that if they split, she’s moving out of the family home, which he had bought before they even met, and their child is not going anywhere. It’s clearly another attempt from him to control things because he’s been so hands off as a father, and already admitted to her he never wanted a child in the first place. However, that has stopped her from packing her bags.

What is the best way to do it if there ends up being a custody issue, which he will probably go through just to spite her? I would have thought she should find a flat and have a nursery / school lined up so that she has a stronger case for setting up home elsewhere with her child, but should be grateful for any tips, and also any advice generally to make sure she’s ready and there can be no suggestion that it’s more beneficial for the child to stay with the dad.

Thank you!

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 23/02/2022 16:15

She needs to speak to a family solicitor before she makes any move.

GeneLovesJezebel · 23/02/2022 16:15

Does she work ?

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 23/02/2022 16:47

A very good lawyer who is used to dealing with these types of people. How much money is involved? That will determine who she can go to.

newbiename · 23/02/2022 16:50

Reassure her he doesn't get to decide what happens.

TatianaBis · 23/02/2022 17:26

Well I wouldn't listen to what her controlling husband has to say for a start - tell her to find a good lawyer and see what she's entitled to.

formalineadeline · 23/02/2022 17:36

She needs professional advice on how to do this safely from DV specialists.

Women's Aid, Rights of Women, solicitor with DV expertise.

formalineadeline · 23/02/2022 17:37

Also Freedom Programme.

FlowerArranger · 23/02/2022 17:42

As a first step:
Check out Wikivorce and get some books about divorce, eg Divorce for Dummies. She needs to get up to speed on the basics.

Gather all financial paperwork, and I mean everything, including pensions. The latter are often more valuable than property equity.

Then she needs to consult with a competent family solicitor.

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