Dating someone who is grieving a parent

[jolliejullie]

I know the general consensus on Mumsnet is that dating/ starting a relationship with someone who is grieving is a bad idea.

I have been on a couple of dates with a man I have been knowing for many years, but he just lost his dad unexpectedly a month ago. He doesn't talk about it much but of course that doesn't mean it is not on his mind. I am trying to assess the situation and evaluate if it is a good idea to continue spending time with him for the moment.

Can someone help me understand why dating a person who just lost a parent/ relative is a bad idea? I have never lost a relative so I am not familiar with the state of mind that that experience brings.

Thanks

It's the same as 'Don't make any big decisions when you're going through something life changing.'

He might form a strong bond with you because you're wonderful at supporting him through his grief. But then when he's further through the grieving process, he might not need that support any more, and if that's a founding factor of your relationship, that might threaten its stability.

Honestly? Perhaps not the best example, but I was dating a man and about 2 weeks in he lost a parent. It didn't go anywhere, he had too much going on, and he didn't live particularly local.

However, I don't regret it. I had his back through a very difficult period, and as a result 3 years on I now have a very close friend who has done the same for me. He still visits and is very protective and supportive of me even though it didn't work out.

I'd be prepared that this may not be a fairy tale ending. But it doesn't have to be a bad one if you're happy to support him, just don't sacrifice yourself in the process, because it's not an easy thing to do.

I also dated a man while his parent was terminally ill and we continued our relationship for another six months after his father had passed… only for him to then turnaround and say he was a commitmentphobe and didn’t see me as “long-term”.

Throughout the relationship I put him first and sacrificed a lot of things that made me happy. I’d say proceed with the relationship if you’re good at keeping strong boundaries and can also acknowledge that your needs are important too!