Husband 'online' cheating for entirety of our marriage.

[Wifeofastupididiot]

I'll quickly give everyone a little background.
My husband and i met in England 10 years ago, he moved back to his home country and we had a long distance relationship for a couple of years. Everything seemed to be going really well and we made the decision for me to move to his home country and get married 4 years ago.

Today i woke up to about 30 messages from an empty facebook account telling me that my husband has been speaking to women and having cam sex with them. The person who sent these messages was a member of the site he was using. They had spoke to countless other women and compiled a load of evidence, found his real Facebook account and then sent it all to me.

I have seen screenshots of messages and even screenshots of him on video calls.

I have confronted him and he is now admitting what he's done and saying that he will change this will never happen again.

Am i wrong for thinking that i want to get a divorce? I don't know how i will trust him again. I don't even know how i will ever be able to look at him without wanting to punch him.

What would you do in this situation? I'm feeling too embarrassed to talk to friends and family about it right now but i will in a few days. Just need some advice from people that don't know me lol.

Hi OP
So sorry you’re going through this. I think if your immediate thought is divorce you should stick to this. He has deceived you for a decade and you deserve better. Leave him and never look back

I think your reaction is completely normal and I don’t see how you could forgive him. Start planning for divorce and a life away from him. What a horrible shock.

Please get an STI screen. I’m sorry you are going through this. I think when you look back, you will be glad you left - he is awful.

I am so sorry you are right to feel this way, start planning your life away from him. Unfortunately I doubt he will ever change. My xh escalated from talking to people online and cam sex to actually meeting people from sex sites to have sex with them. I tried to forgive the first time I found out about the cam sex but our relationship deteriorated from there. Hope you have some real life support if you are living away from family

What a horrific blow, OP. Unforgivable.

Divorce would be the only way to go for me. If these women had not reached out, he would have continued his sexual incontinence indefinitely, with you forever in the dark. Such a man will never change.

I’m so sorry @Wifeofastupididiot, to have been lying, cheating and sneaking around for the whole length of your marriage shows that he is a really unsafe, untrustworthy partner. He would need to do a huge amount of work in counselling to unpick all this, which could take years.

I’d divorce him too.

Why do you think they told you? Was it someone he had been having a real-life affair with?

@Woodswoman

Why do you think they told you? Was it someone he had been having a real-life affair with?

I'm confident that there hasnt been anything happening in person. We've both been wfh for the last 2 years and we live in an extremely remote area. We only go into town once every couple of weeks to get groceries and such. I've been speaking to the person who told me for a couple of hours. They say that they saw through him and couldn't stand how he was talking to them. Basically they had a gut reaction that he was dodgy and acted on it.. I have no idea if thats true or not but thats the info i have right now.

@2anddone

I am so sorry you are right to feel this way, start planning your life away from him. Unfortunately I doubt he will ever change. My xh escalated from talking to people online and cam sex to actually meeting people from sex sites to have sex with them. I tried to forgive the first time I found out about the cam sex but our relationship deteriorated from there. Hope you have some real life support if you are living away from family

I'm so sorry that you have been in this same situation. Thank you for being kind. It's nice to have a glimmer of hope that once I'm out of this i will be better for it. Thanks again

Op if I was you I would tell his family and friends exactly the type of man he is (forward all the messages and screenshots) then if you do decide to divorce he can't spin it around to you being the bad guy, they will see him for what he is and plus why should you have to hide what he has done, he is the one that should feel embarrassed and ashamed not you

My exH was pulling this shot from before we were married be I should've dumped him the first time he did it, because he never stopped.

Best of luck - it's pretty deveststing

Given all the lying so far, how does he expect you to believe his promise to change?? How weird of him, as if he's not been weird enough already.

Follow your feelings, OP. Validate them. Do what you feel.

Sorry you've experienced this @Wifeofastupididiot

Please don't fall for his talk that he won't ever do it again. He will do it again sooner or later. Once a punter, always a punter.

You deserve better.