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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship advice

5 replies

Hasina70 · 22/02/2022 12:41

Hi, everyone

I am a 21 year old woman

English is not my first language. So, pls forgive me for any grammatical mistakes.

I need to some guidance from you all. I am at the verge of breaking down and I feel suicidal.

recently, I have broken up with long distance boyrfejnd. I never met him in real life. He lives in another country He is real as a person as we did video chats. He was a very nice guy over all.

I do suffer from anxiety and depression and overthinking and he always supported me with it I told my mother about him and my mother is very close to me so she decided to do a background check on him.. my uncle went to his house just to have a normal conversation.. so his father opened the door and he came out ( he had an exam that day and I did not my uncle was going to his house like that ) moment my uncle found out about the exam from him my uncle left by exchanging numbers with him.

later my uncle left his house and my bf shouted at me on the phone saying “ he doesn’t care about me right now “ “ he doesn’t give a shit about our relationship right now “ “ he thinks that I feel superior than him because my uncle asked one of their neighbours that what does his father and he does and the neighbour was unable to provide much information about them and my bf found about this question my uncle asked from the neighbour “ I thought he is ending out relationship. I kept telling I swear down I didn’t know my uncle was going to your house like that he still kept getting mad.. later he switched off his phone and I decided to break up with him.. thinking that I didn’t send my uncle to check on him like that. And my uncle didn’t create a scene at his house at all.. I understand he is not happy with my uncle turning up to his house like that but all my family wanted to make sure that this person am talking to is decent since we never met yet. After the break up he apologised a lot saying he shouldn’t have shouted at me as it wasn’t my fault. It took me some days to recover from his behaviour I decided to give him a chance but I just can’t forget what happened and my family don’t want to accept him anymore after the day he behaved with sk i decided to break up this time fully..

now I feel heartbroken, lost and suicidal since I was in love with him madly and I am still …I went through a lot in my life and I am scared that he might become more mad at me if one of my family member make a mistake and he will shout at me for it.. so I broke up :(

my family maybe they shouldn’t have turn up to his house like that but all they wanted to is do a background check on him.

My mother was very very positive about him before that incident now she is saying he is not right for u. If he can shout at u like because of that. What is he gonna do in future?

how can I recover from this ? I can’t focus on my studies, my job nothing

Pls help !

any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Fatgalslim · 22/02/2022 12:50

In the nicest possible way this all sounds like way too much drama for someone you've never even met. How long have you been 'seeing' each other?

Hasina70 · 22/02/2022 12:57

Hi there,
Little over a year :(
I guess u r right but no one ever supported me like the way he did and I was so grateful for that

OP posts:
pleaseyourselfx · 22/02/2022 13:04

Maybe you should arrange to meet and see if you both want to sort things out, then you can both speak to your family and explain.

ChargingBuck · 22/02/2022 13:04

now I feel heartbroken, lost and suicidal since I was in love with him madly and I am still
My dear I mean this kindly, so please don't take my words amiss.
You never met this man.
You were not in love with him - he was a distraction, an ego-boost.
What you are feeling is limerance - an intense 'romantic' attraction that can feel overpowering - but is not based in reality.
thepleasantrelationship.com/limerence/

how can I recover from this ? I can’t focus on my studies, my job nothing
By realising that this ;relationship' was just a passing phase in your life ... & that this is absolutely ok.
You were ok before you got talking to this boy online.
You will be ok again soon.
In the meantime, you might benefit from some counselling - a safe space & a safe person to explore how to build up your resilience.

Hasina70 · 22/02/2022 13:23

Hi all ,

Thank u for your time
I Believe I was in love with him /😔
I am trying my best to accept the face that I never met him..
Maybe it wasn’t meant to me but
I just can’t convince myself

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