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Original poster

How can I be all these things?!

10 replies

MumLife90 · 21/02/2022 21:19

My partner and I have always had a good relationship. Since having our baby (now 8 months) I've never felt such strain on it.

I won't lie, I've been awful at times, snapping, having a go at him for now reason etc. but he's not been gods gift to a new mum either.

We've had the conversation with one another about the fact we don't make effort for one another anymore and that physically we have left our appearances go but I find it so hard to be an amazing mum, make sure that the house is kept on top of, lose my baby weight (and plus some), have my hair and make up done!

I'd love to lose the weight, I'd love to have my hair clean (let alone styled) everyday, I'd love to put on make up but in reality I need to put washing on or clean the house or sort out things for our son! I don't have enough hours in the day and if I do that's at the bottom of my list!

Maybe I should take more care of myself. For me and for my partner but it's not my priority anymore. Is that bad?

Any tips and tricks for fast ways to make yourself a bit more presentable abs getting that spark back would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
OutsideVoice · 21/02/2022 21:24

If memory serves, the best thing to get the spark back after having a baby is having a husband who makes sure you have a break regularly, can catch up on sleep, does his share of housework, and makes you feel beautiful even when you’re sweaty and covered in baby puke.

I seem to remember trying to keep up with it all alone made me more knackered and low.

Lagarthatheviking · 21/02/2022 21:26

Watching... first baby is a massive life shock... be kind to yourself...I’d say it’s impossible to be a mother/lover/cook/cleaner/supermodel all at the same time.

TooMinty · 21/02/2022 21:27

@OutsideVoice

If memory serves, the best thing to get the spark back after having a baby is having a husband who makes sure you have a break regularly, can catch up on sleep, does his share of housework, and makes you feel beautiful even when you’re sweaty and covered in baby puke.

I seem to remember trying to keep up with it all alone made me more knackered and low.

Yep! This. You shouldn't be doing everything, he needs to step up.

Original poster
MumLife90 · 21/02/2022 21:31

In his defence he does a lot around the house and he does cook a lot of the meals so maybe it's more me than him putting that pressure on myself!

I would say he could step up by taking our DS a bit more so I have time to do things like treat myself to a relaxing bath or getting my nails done.

I do think there's an element of shock to his system. I pampered my partner a lot before our baby and now he's here, my partner has taken a back seat!

OP posts:
Gooders1105 · 21/02/2022 21:34

OP, you seem to be writing about both of you (‘physically we have let our appearances go’) but I get the impression that this is what your partner has said to you.
You have only just had a baby. It is the single biggest life changing event. But it is both of yours not just yours I.e. as soon as your partner is home from work, you should be a team. I agree with the first response; to get that spark back YOU need time from your partner. Time that he spends with the baby to give you time to remember who you were before you grew another human being. DO NOT fall down the ‘you do not have time for me anymore’ hole. Your partner needs to do his share; it is not all down to you.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/02/2022 22:45

It depends why you're doing it. Are you wanting to do it to make yourself feel good? Or has he said something to imply you need to make more effort? If it's the former then try and get some jobs done while the baby is awake and some me time when they are asleep or when someone else has them. Go for walks with the buggy when the weather is a bit better. If it's the latter then it's a bit more than just a confidence issue.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 21/02/2022 22:46

@OutsideVoice

If memory serves, the best thing to get the spark back after having a baby is having a husband who makes sure you have a break regularly, can catch up on sleep, does his share of housework, and makes you feel beautiful even when you’re sweaty and covered in baby puke.

I seem to remember trying to keep up with it all alone made me more knackered and low.

This. Not a h who is a lazy sex pest.
Yogurtpotofdoom · 21/02/2022 22:50

You plonk the baby on your Husband's lap, go into the bathroom, lock the door and don't come out until you're done. No matter how much he tells you ' the baby is whining' and 'only you can settle them'.

I went to shit physically after having kids and it wasn't until my youngest was 3 or 4 that I got anywhere close to what I looked like pre-kids.

Rosebuud · 21/02/2022 22:56

Has he also let his appearance go? Or is this what you both feel about you?

I think it’s very easy to fall down a rabbit hole of not caring about yourself when you have a baby, and being all consumed by every thing else. Because it’s often easier than making the effort.

I think it’s good to have time for you, to get your hair done, to occasionally go out and put some make up on, if make up is your thing.

Dieting is a mind set, you need to be in that frame of mind, and if you’re not caring for yourself, then it’s unlikely you will have motivation to loose weight. You don’t need to, but you say you want to.

You say you’d love to do all these things, so carve out some time in your day for you, many house things can wait. Find time when he’s not working to do things for yourself, even if it’s just for an hour.

It’s important not to loose yourself when you have a baby. 💐

Catlover1970 · 21/02/2022 23:00

@MumLife90

My partner and I have always had a good relationship. Since having our baby (now 8 months) I've never felt such strain on it.

I won't lie, I've been awful at times, snapping, having a go at him for now reason etc. but he's not been gods gift to a new mum either.

We've had the conversation with one another about the fact we don't make effort for one another anymore and that physically we have left our appearances go but I find it so hard to be an amazing mum, make sure that the house is kept on top of, lose my baby weight (and plus some), have my hair and make up done!

I'd love to lose the weight, I'd love to have my hair clean (let alone styled) everyday, I'd love to put on make up but in reality I need to put washing on or clean the house or sort out things for our son! I don't have enough hours in the day and if I do that's at the bottom of my list!

Maybe I should take more care of myself. For me and for my partner but it's not my priority anymore. Is that bad?

Any tips and tricks for fast ways to make yourself a bit more presentable abs getting that spark back would be much appreciated!

It only takes 5 mins to take a shower and wash your hair. No excuse
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