Dp not telling me if she's not coming home.

[Taleas0ldastime]

DP and I moved in together recently. She still spends the occasional night (1 or 2 a week) at her mums house which is absolutely fine with me. But she never discusses with me which nights she's going to be staying...she just doesn't bother coming home and leaves me to work it out basically. She thinks this is fine...i think its rude. She's thinks I'm overreacting and picking a fight over nothing...am I?

That sounds very odd. If you're living with someone it's normal to tell them when you'll be home, or if you're not coming home one night.

I think it's rude too. It's common courtesy to let your partner know if you will be home or not.
I'd be tempted to move out and not mention it.

I think it's common courtesy to let the people you live with if you won't be home. I'd expect it from adult DC, a partner or roommate, just so I know not to call the police when they don't turn up!

I wouldn't expect a discussion, but I would expect to know.

Very rude

Thanks, i genuinely don't mind one way or another so it's not like she thinks theres going to be an argument over it. The only thing that annoys me is the not knowing!

Rather inconsiderate

You can’t just leave people hanging without knowing, just a quick text will do. I text if I’m going to be more than 10 minutes late never mind out all night.

Rude and inconsiderate.

Have you got anywhere you could go for a night - let her feel how it feels - as she not hearing the words.

That's not on, it feels like a power play.

I would have a serious think.about the relationship as she is treating you very disrespectfully there. It is normal to communicate with partners.

I wouldn't be happy with this. It is basic manners to let you know if she wants to stay at her mums.

Does she not consider that it's unnerving to never know whether or not to cook for her, wait for her to watch a TV show together or when to lock up for the night or have a long lazy bath etc etc

If she never tells you whether she'll be home, or not, how the hell can you ever plan your own evening ?

If she says ''do what you like, it doesn't matter'', then I'm afraid I'd be asking her to move out again, because she clearly doesn't have the emotional maturity to be in an adult relationship !

I’d make her an ex. If she does this now then your relationship is doomed. Move on,

Very lazy and inconsiderate of her you have no idea if she is in any sort of trouble and ok but just not coming home
You can’t make plans as you have no idea what’s going on
You need a serious talk with her don’t put up with being treated this poorly
She is say you are not important enough to bother to tell - sod that

I couldn’t live like this. I had this with my DH not telling me when he was coming home from work. It could be anytime from 5-10pm. It left me hanging around all eve not knowing when/if to cook dinner. It was frustrating and annoying and with hindsight I wouldn’t take it again. It’s disrespect and that has been a common theme. Her time is more important than yours. Say “if you can’t infirm me then we are not compatible” you get to say what you want your life to look like

I wouldn't be putting up with this either. I'd want to know whether to sort my own dinner or whether to put a film on knowing it wasn't going to be interrupted halfway through.

How would she react if you behaved in the same way?

@DetailMouse

I think it's common courtesy to let the people you live with if you won't be home. I'd expect it from adult DC, a partner or roommate, just so I know not to call the police when they don't turn up!

I wouldn't expect a discussion, but I would expect to know.

Absolutely this!

At uni I shared a two bed flat. One short lived flatmate left one Saturday lunch time to go shopping saying she would see me later. I didn't see her for days. On Monday night be mum rang the flat for her, I told her I hadn't seen her since Saturday and was a little worried but as I didn't know her well I didn't know if this was normal nor had any contact details for her friends. Her mum tracked her down at her boyfriend and rang me back (as she understood my worry). Flatmate came back next day and was furious I had said anything to her mum.

I think if you live with people who would notice if you were there or not, then it's reasonable to say where you are.

Just tell her she'll have to sort her own evening meal out and start double-locking the door when you go to bed.