I’ve been feeling very lost recently and just needing some advice on what to do from other people who might have felt similar - or if I’m just being silly? Please bear with its very long
Been together 6 years, since late teens. Both had quite similar traumatic childhoods and were both living in toxic environments. We were both young and looking back on it, not in good places emotionally. It felt like the best thing that ever happened to either of us. We moved in together around 18 months in and this was when we first started feeling the strain - we were both working full time but I was responsible for the housework and cooking, which I hated. A year after that, we found out we were expecting and now have a beautiful toddler.
During the 6 years, we have only ever been on 3/4 dates. Each one planned by me. My partner is not one for celebrating birthdays, ‘anniversaries’, Valentine’s and other special occasions. I have always liked to make a big effort for special occasions especially his birthday but stopped after I realised he didn’t feel or do the same. Whilst I sound like a spoiled brat even saying it, I have pleaded with him to just once plan a date or make an effort for a special occasion. It’s not often said out loud - but it is nice to feel appreciated/special by partners every once in a while.
My in laws do not and have not liked me since day one. They insult me and berate me to our faces, and not once has he stuck up for me. This didn’t bother me so much until we had a baby together where I felt he should be telling them it’s not ok to treat the mother of his child like that. I feel whilst he doesn’t voice his disapproval over how they treat me, it’s showing them that it’s ok to do continue to do so. I do not want our toddler to grow up witnessing this and thinking it’s ok too. I have begged him to talk with them about this at least once but refuses (he doesn’t like confrontation).
He works full time and I stay home with toddler and responsible for household, chores and so on. I couldn’t be any more grateful for him being the main provider, however I feel he could be more appreciative of my role in the home (I know working full time is hard but being a mother can also be just as hard and exhausting). He comes home from work, showers and sits on the sofa waiting for dinner for the rest of the night, which is ok but he’s entirely allergic to cleaning up after himself after I’ve been doing housework all day and being with baby, which is infuriating. If he makes a snack, he’ll leave it all out for me to clean away. Dirty laundry gets taken off and left wherever suits until I pick it up. Rubbish gets left on top of bin rather than inside of bin. Beer caps found in every possible crevice. I have begged and pleaded with him to at least clean up after himself if he won’t help with the rest of the chores.
Up until recently, I always wanted to get married. He never seemed interested. When id bring it up he’d say it’s not that he doesn’t want to get married but… (normally lack of money or that it’s not the right time), and would shut the conversation down right away. I’m not sure why this bothered me so much, but it always did.
I am definitely no saint myself. Since being pregnant, I have spent more time nagging and moaning at him everyday than I ever have, which I know kills the romance. We have been arguing way more recently and lots of name calling. I try to explain that I don’t want to moan or nag constantly but that I also can’t keep it all in until I eventually explode. He has told me twice in two weeks that he hates me but says he didn’t mean it after calming down. I know he loves me and just said it twice out of anger but it has still been niggling. On good days it feels like the early days of our relationship again, but there are currently more bad days than good.
He is my best friend and I love him more than anything. He is the most amazing dad and so kind. He is the only man to have treated me with such kindness in my lifetime. His mum died when he was a teenager which seriously impacted his emotional development and confidence/self esteem, which makes me feel incredibly guilty because I know he can’t help some of it. I know if I ever ended things it would genuinely destroy him, but no matter how many times I tell him how I feel he just doesn’t listen and I don’t know how much longer I can feel like this.
I would really really love some advice from others please! PS, sorry this is so long and thanks for making it this far