Would you be bothered about no "dates"?

[SaladDressed]

Been with DP 4 years. He lives close to my work so I spend more time at his house with his children than he does with me. We both have 50/50 care.
Recently I've been frustrated that we don't seem to do any "couple stuff". We go on holiday with all our children or with his family regularly. We go out for a drink with his friends regularly. We rarely go out with my friends as they are a distance away.

I think we've been on a "date" about 6 times since we got together, all in the first year. We've never been on holiday alone.

He says we spend loads of time together and I'm being over sensitive because we are both busy so it's hard to do stuff alone. I want some special experiences that are just ours. It feels like he avoids one on one time.

I love him to bits and I know he loves me so I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to be upset about this.

Have you actually tried to arrange something with him? Could you book a babysitter and a meal out?

I don't think it's unreasonable to want time with just the two of you, but I can definitely understand it might be difficult to schedule it.

What happens if you pick a day and suggest a meal or evening out for just the two of you?

If you want something he's not giving you, and he says the problem is that you're oversensitive, you don't have a 'no dates' problem, you have a 'he doesn't respect your feelings' issue.

If he respected your feelings, he wouldn't lie and say he's too busy, he'd replace one of the evenings out with his friends with an evening out with you.

'You're oversensitive' means 'You are too sensitive for my liking', AKA 'Shut up, I'd rather dismiss that feeling of yours than make any effort to compromise with you'. Don't misread it as a fault in yourself.

You are precisely the right level of sensitive for you. If he's uncomfortable with it, he shouldn't be making you feel that you're wrong.

Oh boy! Let me give you some advice for free, don’t be blinded by love and taken for a fool, any excuses as to not do it or why you can’t….leave! It won’t get better for you and you will end up dragging your self esteem and worth across the floor….trust me!

Yeah, I don't know his area so well. If I invite him round me there are always issues with pet care, plus he never likes the menus so is basically unenthusiastic and would rather stay home. Which is fine but then he does chores/falls asleep on the sofa

@Watchkeys

If you want something he's not giving you, and he says the problem is that you're oversensitive, you don't have a 'no dates' problem, you have a 'he doesn't respect your feelings' issue.

If he respected your feelings, he wouldn't lie and say he's too busy, he'd replace one of the evenings out with his friends with an evening out with you.

'You're oversensitive' means 'You are too sensitive for my liking', AKA 'Shut up, I'd rather dismiss that feeling of yours than make any effort to compromise with you'. Don't misread it as a fault in yourself.

You are precisely the right level of sensitive for you. If he's uncomfortable with it, he shouldn't be making you feel that you're wrong.

Thank you. I tried to say this yesterday and we basically ended up rowing and him saying he didn't understand as we spend loads of time together and I always seem to enjoy it. I'm so confused as I feel like I've been saying I want to do stuff just us for ages and he just seems to be avoiding it. I can't figure out why. And yes, it is starting to affect my self esteem.