When you need time alone

[CountryBumpkin12]

I’m not going to come across well in this and I am totally ready to take the criticism.

Very on and off relationship for 2 years, cocklodger at the start, kind of turned it around and got a job and a car, albeit I have to still pay for everything (I’m a fairly decent earner but haven’t much in terms of savings)

I acknowledge the changes he’s made and he’s putting the effort in. But every so often I just need time alone, it’s ultimately my house (I pay for it and all my stuff).

Am I wrong to ask him to go back to his parents for a few days?

In reality id like separate houses but that’s not feasible due to his very low income.

Do I need to accept being with him and having not space?

Am I in my rights to ask for time alone?

Or I guess as I’m typing realise we need to break up?

In reality id like separate houses but that’s not feasible due to his very low income. not really your problem where he lives. If you need the space ask for it. Then you can work out if you want him back (although it sounds like you might have done that).

In reality id like separate houses but that’s not feasible due to his very low income

Of course it's feasible, unless you house everybody who has a low income?

Kick him out.

If you don't want to live with this man, you don't have to live with this man. It's very simple. You are not obligated to provide him with a home.

I think it would be difficult now to say you want to be in a relationship but not live together so it might be that the decision to not live together ALSO means a decision to break up. But I couldn't be with someone who contributes so little to my life that I want them to leave my house so...

He's still a cocklodgervas you're still paying for everything. Tell him to go.

If you are still paying for everything he is still a cocklodger.

Yet again a story of relationship issues where it's clear things moved way too fast!

If you've only been together max 2 years why on earth is he living with - and frankly OFF you?

Get him out - not your problem where he lives or how he manages financially that's his responsibility

How on earth do you find someone so lazy and selfish at all attractive I never understand that!

Mainly as every relationship I've had the other person has been...oh I dunno...as yes! A CAPABLE ADULT!

You’re totally right @Graphista I’m a pretty competent human being (except in the relationship department) sadly my overachieving friends are in similar boats. I wonder if the I am and independent female line has been taken too far? I so terrified of being financially dependent on a man I go for the total opposite when there is a clear middle ground?

What a bloody mess. Thanks for all the input, I really appreciate it

Tell him you are not ready to live together, so he needs to find his own place. If he decides that means the end of the relationship then you know exactly your value to him - housing & bills - and not you the person. Hobosexuals are really not very attractive.

Where did he live when you adopted him? Parents?

Send him back!

‘Adopted him’ ha ha fuck that hit me hard but so correct!

I'm with all the others.

You've had enough of him, if you're honest. You recognise he's a cocklodger and a waste of space - but feel guilty because he's managed to get himself a job and a car now, so it feels like he's trying - even though he's still not contributing any money to his own keep.

Tell him he needs to move out. Where he goes (back to Mummy?) isnt your problem. You want your own space, and you don't owe him anything.

He's still a clock lodger though. Send him home to mother. Tell him he's welcome to stay over on a weekend but during the week he has to go home and then there are days where you need time to just be so pick some.

Boundaries.

If he kicks up a fuss or creeps up his nights then you'll know the score. Personally I think you're on to a hiding with this one.

Get him out. This is your house and you don't want him there. He should leave your house and you could continue seeing him which I would advise against. He is not a positive influence in your life.

Thanks everyone, you’ve been a massive help. Does anyone want to adopt me? All this adult stuff is hard ha ha

I read your op and even before reading others’ replies it was a kick him into touch. He brings nothing to the table. Don’t feel obliged to rescue him because he feels sad, or has nowhere to go. And no being an financially independent woman is the best way. Don’t settle for someone who can’t meet you halfway because he isn’t remotely hitting the middle ground.

@CountryBumpkin12

Thanks everyone, you’ve been a massive help. Does anyone want to adopt me? All this adult stuff is hard ha ha

Oh bless you I know it's tough isn't it!

So glad you've taken that in the spirit intended

You're better than this better than him.

Remember too - nothing wrong with being single! I've been single to all intents and purposes for almost 20 years, wasn't necessarily my intent when I split from ex just the way things have worked out, but I honestly wish someone had told my younger self "it's ok to be single"

Would have saved me time and money on certain pointless dates/dating!

Now I'm not saying I've been a nun . I have my fun when it suits but I like my own space and I like my independence and there is nothing wrong with that!

Does anyone want to adopt me? All this adult stuff is hard ha ha

Haha would be nice wouldn't it - for like a week!

After that they'd be bugging me

@Graphista it’s so fucking weird, when I’m alone and he’s gone (like now) I feel a weight has been lifted and like ‘freedom’ I honestly wish I knew what that pull to keep allowing him back was?!

But agreed, I like people for a few hours/days then I’m done! My cat is currently sat on my head, I’ve spoken to a few really good friends. I should really count my blessings!

Thanks ladies for the wake up call.