Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Really struggling

7 replies

YellowHpok · 21/02/2022 12:53

NC as ashamed frankly. DH and I have been together 15+ years. Two young kids, recent house move, quite stressful jobs etc. Normally loving and kind relationship where we work hard to maintain equity and good communication.

But fuck me it's all going to pot. I think H may be depressed. Has been previously and sought appropriate help. He is so frustrated with us all and it is setting me on edge. Apparently it is all my fault because I do things wrong. I don't, I just don't do things the same as him.

We have rowed 5/7 days this past week. Over really small things. I've told him I'm not having it and it is impacting us all. He doesn't seem to care, digs his heels in.

How on earth can we get through this?

OP posts:

Original poster

YellowHpok · 21/02/2022 13:23

He is just sitting in his dressing gown playing computer games.

OP posts:

Dillydollydingdong · 21/02/2022 13:27

Why isn't he at work? Hasn't he got a job? (Although I see from your OP that he has). It sounds like he's depressed again. Maybe encourage him to get a doctor's appointment.

Original poster

YellowHpok · 21/02/2022 13:33

Annual leave. Yes I would like him to see the GP, but first I need him to acknowledge that he has a problem. At the moment he thinks everything is my fault.

OP posts:

Nelliephant1 · 21/02/2022 13:33

It sounds like classic depression unfortunately. It's so difficult because he has to be able to acknowledge it and it's quite possible that he doesn't even realise it himself yet.
It's a weird illness in that what's obvious to everyone on the outside just isn't obvious to the person concerned and if feels like everyone is just having a go and criticising until the penny finally drops that this isn't how it should be and it's not usual to feel this way. It can take time.

Almost more importantly though, why on earth do you feel ashamed? You (and he) have nothing to be ashamed of.

Original poster

YellowHpok · 21/02/2022 13:55

Thanks @Nelliephant1, i think the shame comes from the fact that we are arguing so much when we normally have a good relationship.

He was very supportive when i had a bad bout of depression a couple of years ago.

I just have no idea how to manage this on a day to day basis. His behaviour is unacceptable sometimes, but he won't hear of it. If it is depression, then how to I challenge the behaviour whilst being supportive of the illness?

OP posts:

Itwasntmeright · 21/02/2022 14:01

Can you sit and have a proper talk to him about it when things are calm? There’s no point in addressing it whilst in the middle of a row, it’ll just be met with anger and defensiveness.

Nelliephant1 · 06/03/2022 16:44

How are things now? It's so difficult, I suppose during a good time mentioning that you're worried and see a lot of the behaviour you had in him now and you don't want him to feel the way you felt so it might be an idea to speak to someone even if it's only to discount depression, although I'm not sure it will discount it but to get him to see someone is half the battle.

Flip