Just need to rant really but would also be grateful for any advice on how to handle my mother if anyone has any words of wisdom.
Sorry I need to give some background so it's going to be long!
We never got on when I was a child/teenager. She "didn't want kids till they were 10", workaholic who was very disinterested in her daughters. She was also manipulative and a liar turning my sister and I against each other (we figured this out about 5 years ago and since have made up lost ground).
Since meeting my DH 7 years ago I have worked really hard to make a relationship with her work because I love my dad dearly and he is committed to her and so obviously I want to make everything work. Over time we built what I thought was a genuine two-way relationship. DH and I both enjoyed going there for weekends and having them to stay etc. No reference was ever made to the past. Then we had DS and although sometimes she does/says things I don't necessarily agree with she has been a lovely and interested grandmother - to the point that I stand there bemused sometimes wondering why she wasn't like that with me/sis.
Anyway we've been staying with them and last night an argument started (details not really relevant but to do with their attitude to my cousin's wife regarding my parents looking after my grandmother). It blew up massively but I accepted it was probably 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other and went and apologised thinking someone should, but that I still felt the same but didn't want to argue or upset anyone. My dad came and found me and we chatted, cleared the air and explained our view points and let it lie. This morning when we got up mum ignored not only me but my toddler DS who was showing her something. We had to leave at 11am to pick up someone from the airport. At 10.45 she asked to talk to me. I said only if there are witnesses. She burst in to tears and said "you've hurt me so much", I repeated I wanted a witness as I felt (although didn't say) that she would manipulate the situation. So my dad came in and DH took DS away. She said I hadn't apologised. My dad said I had. She maintained she hadn't heard. I also pointed out that she hadn't apologised to me either. Anyway, she kept lying and saying I was letting this cousin split up the family and she just kept dramatically falling in to the chair and crying and shouting at me. I just kept calmly saying "I'm sorry you're upset, and I'm sorry you perceive it that way... blah blah blah" but she seriously WANTED to carry on arguing. And it just made me feel like nothing has changed at all. I feel back where we were 10 years ago. At 11.15, now running very late I said we really had to go. So we left. All fine with dad but she was still acting the victim etc. And I just know the ramifications of this will go on for ages. But what REALLY gets to me is how she can stand there in front of me and lie over and over with no qualms about it. It's made my blood boil. And I'm just so hurt because I really thought things had changed and we had moved on . Now I'm worried my dad will be hurt and things won't be the same as we've enjoyed for the last few years. But what can I do - pretend that everything is ok when clearly it's not??
I'm so upset I don't know what to do, or even if I should do anything I don't know anyone in RL who has a mother like mine has been so I don't really have anyone I can talk to about it because her behaviour has in the past been so off the wall and contrary to the person she is around other people I sometimes wonder if people would believe me! DH has been lovely but is a bit of an ostrich and just says "act normal and it will go back to normal" - but what is normal when my own mother clearly thinks it's ok to lie and relish in being a "victim". And why is this making me feel like a frustrated powerless 13 year old?!
Sorry this is so incredibly long, I appreciate it if you've got to the end!