Hello, i started dating with a girl a month and a half ago. We shared that we like each other, started sleeping at each others places and all looked good, except of her suspicious behavior. We still werent a couple because she didnt want to push things and it was ok for Me. Her suspicious behavior was that she just randomly left Me in some of our dates, explaining it with panic attacks. One day she cancelled our date and went for a dinner with her best friend ex ( btw who is also single) and afterwards they were at his place watching movies. It felt really weird, we talked about it but she said į shouldnt worry about it. And one day she just went missing, no Texts from her, no meet ups (previously we met up almost every second day) i saw her online, and was waiting for her reply for 5 days. She didint reply,so i vwrote her asking what is happening. She said she was really busy working and didnt talk to anybody. She needed her Time alone. It all looked so weird but i gave her Time. After one more week she just reappeared, the romantic chatting started again, we went on some bars, and all again felt and looked amazing, būt į still had some bad thoughts and feelings about her behavior. Yesterday, she came to my place to have a sleepover, she fell asleep and i Couldnt. I know, that im a piece of shit, būt i just had to destroy the bad thoughts and trust issues( been cheated before) so i took her phone and read the messages between her and her best friend ex. And i was so fucking hurt, they basically daily chated and met up. Even on that Time when she said she didnt talk to anybody. No romantic stuff, būt everything very warm. Messages from her to him like " į would like to live in the same summer house this summer as we did some Time ago" and etc. Almost daily meet ups, they even met on Valentines day, when i thought she needed Time alone. Shit hurt so bad i started crying. I woke her up, told the truth and Sent her home. After we texted and she said, that they are only friends, meeting up for a smoke. I asked why all the lies,about Valentines day about dreams living in the summer house. She replied that he is her safe Spot and best friend and thats just it. I really upseted her for reading her messages and i feel fucking bad for doing so. Į think im in deep love with her, can't stop thinking for a second about her. And really dont know what to do. I upset her, she upset Me. But somehow į still deeply believe that really she was just Friends with him. Im asking for your opinion about all this situation and for some advice what the fuck is happening. Can't sleep, can't eat and nothing gives joy. Can't break free from these thought loops. Thanks in advance and sorry for english. Love ya