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Original poster

How long is too long without contact in dating?

35 replies

LydiaViolet25 · 21/02/2022 09:02

Just curious new to the dating scene after awhile.

I’m not a person that needs continual texts (lots a day) haha. But what is standard or general if a man really likes you in between dates would he contact you atleast once a day either by text or call?
Or
what if a man you was dating leaves it 2-3 days in between contact or a week between contact? In your eyes would that be a dealbreaker or not?

Any opinions on this please what you would accept as good enough contact while dating?

OP posts:
baileys6904 · 21/02/2022 09:06

That would be fine for me, I have my own life and a few days with no contact, especially in a new relationship wouldn't bother me at all. I would expect it to ramp up thr more the relationship continued

PermanentTemporary · 21/02/2022 09:14

Good enough contact?

My bf and I moved to daily contact by mutual agreement once lockdown 3 hit and we weren't going to be meeting physically. That was a bit of a discussion because we'd only been dating a very short time then. Before that maybe every 2-3 days?

DarkCorner · 21/02/2022 09:18

For me a couple of texts back and forth each day worked best. Or at least a goodnight text. A week would be a dealbreaker (unless on holiday or other reason) and contact every 2-3 days, I think I’d have to see how I felt and how the relationship was progressing. So not necessarily a dealbreaker but not ideal.

HiDay · 21/02/2022 09:38

Turn it round - what suits you?

I would only send a message every three days or so, so for me a text every three days would be fine - but then I'm not really a phone or message person.

Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 21/02/2022 10:05

What if it weee in the dating stages like up to 6 dates or more then 3 days or more went by but no next date had been arranged ?

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 21/02/2022 10:05

Or same scenerio but a week of no contact

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 21/02/2022 10:12

Or what if you had been dating for 3 months

I appreciate opinions I just wanted to gage how long etc due to weed out the guys that either could string you along or not haha

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 21/02/2022 10:13

For some people, if they like someone, they'll contact them once a week at least. For some people, being contacted at least once a week feels about right.

For other people, if they like someone, they'll contact them once every hour at least, and that may or may not feel right for the other person.

There's a lot of threads at the moment about dating, and what's 'normal'. Your normal is personal, and you need to meet someone with the same normal as you. It's called compatibility. There's no value at all in 'normal' on a societal level, or someone else's opinion of what's normal. If you put value on it, all you do is put value on people doing things in a particular way, regardless of your preferences. So you might end up with someone who only contacts you twice a week, when you'd really only be happy with someone who contacted you twice daily.

Your feelings matter. If they contact you on a frequency that makes you feel good, then that's much more important that whether it's normal.

Watchkeys · 21/02/2022 10:16

@LydiaViolet25

Or what if you had been dating for 3 months

I appreciate opinions I just wanted to gage how long etc due to weed out the guys that either could string you along or not haha

Weed out the guys that don't make you smile when you think of them. Weed out the guys that make you think 'Why would he do that??' Weed out the guys that make you think 'Jeez, I wish he'd give the messages a rest!' or 'Why hasn't he been in touch? I wish I'd heard from him, I feel neglected...' Don't weed out guys that don't tick the boxes dictated by MN.
Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 21/02/2022 10:20

@baileys6904 what if you had been dating for 3 months then it started going days inbetween contacting you (3-7 days)

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 21/02/2022 10:20

@Watchkeys that’s true

OP posts:
JellybabyGina87 · 21/02/2022 10:23

If they were going 2 to 3 days without contact between dates I only wouldn't care if I wasn't that into them or was undecided. If I really like someone I want to know they like me too and keep in touch.

supercali77 · 21/02/2022 10:33

Im the kind of person who would want someone to text every day. My fella is the same. So it works. If he was more of the 3 days kind I'd assume disinterest or lose interest myself. And really as someone else says you should use that as your gauge rather than what other people are doing....what suits you/makes you feel interested and invested and secure. And don't bother with anyone where second guessing is a thing.

Tbh. For me. On the dating scene...anyone who took a few days to stay in touch or organise a date...in the end it never got off the ground. Both men and women on dating sites in the early days can be talking to several people, being asked out, talking by phone, so it seems foolish for anyone to hang around for days to express interest and organise dates. If someone wants someone else they typically aren't shy about it

CrimbleCrumble1 · 21/02/2022 10:35

How often do you go on a date with him?

BigHinch1969 · 21/02/2022 10:36

When I first started dating the lady I'm with now, we were both messaging each other constantly two to three times a day, but as we have got to know one another that has slackened off to two or three times a week which is OK for both of us.

Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 21/02/2022 11:53

What about if they stopped seeing you and was not then actually making contact or on and off contact every few days ? I’m getting the vibe from this thread if dates are in between a couple days of no contact then fine but if dates had not been set up again and then the texts or calls stopped coming in or every few days would you find that odd?

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 21/02/2022 12:25

If I was having let’s say a weekly date with someone which we alternate arranging and asking the other one on then a a text or two inbetween is fine. Again roughly taking turns iniating contact.

loopycurtains · 21/02/2022 22:50

@LydiaViolet25

What about if they stopped seeing you and was not then actually making contact or on and off contact every few days ? I’m getting the vibe from this thread if dates are in between a couple days of no contact then fine but if dates had not been set up again and then the texts or calls stopped coming in or every few days would you find that odd?
Yes, if it's a reduction in contact very early on, then I would assume they have lost interest.
Watchkeys · 22/02/2022 11:01

How does the change in frequency of contact make you feel, @LydiaViolet25?

Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 22/02/2022 11:19

@loopycurtains personally it happened to me three months it’s been going either 3-7 days without contact and then most over 2 weeks I think that’s too much

OP posts:
Original poster
LydiaViolet25 · 22/02/2022 11:21

@Watchkeys I’m not one of those people glued to phone who needs continually texts however when the contact is 3-7 days inbetween or the most over 2 weeks it happened it doesn’t make me feel good when it gets to a few days no contact via text or phone call and no date arrange / so yes doesn’t feel good / I was just gaging what people find acceptable the amount of contact or would you start to feel your being strung along after many days inbetween with nothing x

OP posts:
CrimbleCrumble1 · 22/02/2022 11:29

How often do you actually see him?

Treacletoots · 22/02/2022 11:32

I think you're clouding the actual issue.

It's still early days and he's still very clearly dating other people, hence the long time between contact.

If this isn't what you want, then it's time to step away, because if they were that into you, you'd not have to chase to rearrange dates, and certainly not be left asking random strangers on a forum if this was normal.

What's normal is irrelevant. You should ask yourself what is acceptable TO YOU.

Choccyluvva · 22/02/2022 11:36

I would think I wasn’t on his mind a lot. It would indicate lack of interest

Nomorepastry · 22/02/2022 11:37

I speak to mine once or twice a day over text which isn't ideal but better than nothing. Been together 6 years

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