Page 2 | Could I ask about age gaps....

GeneLovesJezebel · 21/02/2022 16:46

My experience - don’t do it. The gap gets bigger as he ages.

PotatoGoblins · 21/02/2022 16:55

I’m 27, with 3 young DCs.
A few months ago, what was a friendship initially turned into something more.
He’s 41, and has teenage DCs.
The age gap hasn’t been an issue - if anything I’m seeing it as a positive that’s working in my favour because he’s just so much more mature and “world wise” than men my age. My exH was 5 years older than me, but it was like being married to a teenage boy on both a practical and emotional level. Whereas with the new guy, he’s already had all the “learning experiences” and has been single for a while so can look after himself like an actual adult human, which I’m not remotely used to!
Without giving TMI, the sex is on a whole other level too!!
Initially he was a little apprehensive because I’m only 9 years older than his eldest son but those worries were laid to rest pretty quickly. He hasn’t met my kids yet (still way too early for that), but I knew his sons before anything happened between me and their dad, and I get on with them wonderfully too. They are great boys (young men?!) and an absolute credit to their dad.
The way I’m looking at it, age gaps only become and issue if you let them become an issue!

Blushingm · 21/02/2022 18:09

@PotatoGoblins that's what I'm worrying about, there's 5 years between the guy I'm sleeping with and my son.........but it's decades in maturity

PotatoGoblins · 21/02/2022 18:19

@Blushingm has he said anything about that? Or is he ok with it?

Question887 · 21/02/2022 18:23

I'm 35 my partner is 51. We were at similar life stages and both wanted another child, so that was in our favour. I've always been attracted to older men. I will say though that I have a lot more energy than him and I can see our relationship getting more difficult as time goes on. I was thinking the other day that when our child is 18 it'd be great to go travelling, I'll be 50 by then but he will be nearly 70! Not to say 70 year olds don't travel but I can see him being someone who won't be physically able. Saying that, he doesn't look after himself as well as he could and not all 50 year olds are the same.

Question887 · 21/02/2022 18:24

Actually he's 52 🤣 17 years older than me

Blushingm · 21/02/2022 19:23

@PotatoGoblins has he said anything or my son said something?

PotatoGoblins · 21/02/2022 19:26

@Blushingm either of them

MintyGreenDream · 21/02/2022 19:30

First marriage was 11.5 years.Didnt notice the gap at first but later on down the line it caused problems

Blushingm · 21/02/2022 20:25

@PotatoGoblins my son doesn't know we are as close as we are but he knows I'm seeing someone who is that young. They guy doesn't mind one bit

Original poster

sittingonacornflake · 21/02/2022 21:11

It's become a bit of a mixed bag of responses I see. Thank you for the views and sharing experiences though. Lots to reflect on.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 21/02/2022 21:13

@sittingonacornflake

It's become a bit of a mixed bag of responses I see. Thank you for the views and sharing experiences though. Lots to reflect on.

Hasn't everyone said exactly the same thing? Fine at 30/40/50, not at 50/70. I read it as being unanimous. But, like you say, live in the moment, who knows what would happen in any relationship in the future.

radiocity · 21/02/2022 21:16

@Catnipdelight

I'm 34 seeing a 49 year old and although there aren't children in the mix, this age gap works really well for us. I'm pregnant now and occasionally I do worry that he will be an "older" father but then ... you can't plan every inch of life, sometimes things just work and it's how it is. It sounds like a good thing you've got going on

Me too!
Same age gap.

We have a 4yo and a 3yo and planning on more children DH is definitely not the oldest dad around where we live and actually these days it really doesn't matter!

radiocity · 21/02/2022 21:19

Hi OP!

15.5yr age gap between me and DH, been together 8 years.

I never notice the age, I love being with an older guy.

For all those saying "what about the future?!" I mean FUCK THAT. I might get hit by a bus tomorrow and die.

I'll cross that bridge IF or when I come to it that DH is "too old" for me in his 60s or 70s.

Right now answer the question: are you happy? If it's a yes then crack on 🥳

mobear · 21/02/2022 21:22

I’m mid-30s, DP is mid-50s. We have one DC. We get on fine, work in a similar field and have similar interests. He’s more fit/ sporty than I am. I suspect the real test will be in years to come but I’m not worried.

EarthSight · 21/02/2022 22:39

@sittingonacornflake

I have recently started very casually seeing someone and there is a bit of an age gap between us. He is 49 with a 9 year old and I am 33 with a 4 year old.

I fancy the pants off him and at this moment in time I want to keep it fun, I've never seen myself ever wanting to blend families or properly join lives (financially or cohabiting wise) with someone, although I do appreciate you change as you grow older and meet new people etc.

Anyone with experience of age gaps like this could you kindly offer your tuppence - are there any negatives I should be mindful of?

If it's casual, it doesn't matter, but I think big age gaps are trouble. It's so often the woman who's a lot young (that's no coincidence). Sure, sometimes it's genuinely circumstantial, but much older men sometimes go for younger women because secretly, they're ambitious and aiming for a 25 year old. They also like the idea of being the dominant, more experienced one. They get a great deal too in a long term relationship don't they? Someone to look after them when they're old. If you're fine with all of that, go ahead.

PotatoGoblins · 22/02/2022 08:20

@EarthSight and a lot of the time it really is just as simple as two people who click and really enjoy each others company.
There’s definitely none of this “I’ve landed on my feet and got a younger woman to take care of me” thing with the guy I’m seeing. When it first started, he was actively trying to put me off and push me towards the dating scene saying things like “there’d be a queue of men your own age, why would you want an old man like me?”. He’s realised now that actually I’m really happy with him - happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

Blushingm · 22/02/2022 10:45

@PotatoGoblins I love hearing that! I'm the other way and wonder why a young guy is bothering with me

radiocity · 22/02/2022 11:31

@EarthSight They also like the idea of being the dominant, more experienced one.

And what's to say some of us younger women actually like that the man is the dominant and more experienced one?

Sportslady44 · 22/02/2022 14:14

If it's casual, it doesn't matter, but I think big age gaps are trouble. It's so often the woman who's a lot young (that's no coincidence). Sure, sometimes it's genuinely circumstantial, but much older men sometimes go for younger women because secretly, they're ambitious and aiming for a 25 year old. They also like the idea of being the dominant, more experienced one. They get a great deal too in a long term relationship don't they? Someone to look after them when they're old. If you're fine with all of that, go ahead.

load of rubbish just your opinion based on nothing.

How about people ,meet and get on and gel with each other and its just the way it happens, nothing to do with age , its just the people and how they get on!!

Gardeningcreature · 22/02/2022 14:25

From my experience 49 year olds are usually fit and active.
The problem will be when you are 60 and he is 76.
Then when you are 70 and he is 86.
I've seen many, many women left alone when their much older partner dies. They spend years nursing an old man and being there for him, but who will be there for you when you are old, ill, infirm and wanting someone to care and help you?
Sorry to be morbid but that is the reality with big age gaps.
However it may never get to that. You might spend 10 good years together then split up, who knows.

KimchiWithMe · 22/02/2022 14:53

I'm 41, my DH is 54. We met 17 years ago and been married nearly 12. It has never been an issue. No children though.

EarthSight · 22/02/2022 20:13

[quote radiocity]**@EarthSight* They also like the idea of being the dominant, more experienced one.*

And what's to say some of us younger women actually like that the man is the dominant and more experienced one?[/quote]
@radiocity Well that's up to you and your fantasies isn't it!

At least you know what you're entering into. I just think young women should be made aware of it to and that's what some of these men want. They want dumb & young, preferably.

That often works well when the woman's 25......but not so much when she's 40, has gained experience, and now has wrinkles and stretch marks. Won't be so fun when his eyes go looking for another younger woman who's younger than you. Be careful what you wish for.