Worried About My Marriage

[Anon4538]

Hi all,

I’m a little worried. Been married a long time and I adore my H. He does irritate me sometimes but you know!! We have been through a lot and we children with additional needs. It’s been a hard few years.

We have zero sex life and haven’t for years now. I have always had a higher sex drive. I think things were tricky in the bedroom for a while with us starting to rely on a contraceptive method H didn’t get on well with. Then had the first born and that completely put a stop to things!

I currently seem very hormonal and crave some more affection. Don’t get me wrong, we cuddle etc, but I have no desire to do much more with him. I love H but feel a little sad.

Recently, I felt like there was a spark between myself and someone, however, I had an inkling that they are gay/bi, I’m not sure. But the whole thing was inappropriate for that reason and the obvious fact I’m married… a few other reasons too. I’m so confused!

I just feel sad and like a silly, hormonal, peri-menopausal (possibly) cow, ffs.

I can’t imagine being without H, but I also need something more. :-(

What happens if you talk to your husband about this? How does he feel about it all?

We don’t talk about it really. We joke (a little) about the lack of sex life but that’s it.

We care hugely for each other, but I’m just feeling so sad at the minute.

Lack of communication is one of the biggest issues in relationships. It leads to resentment. Sometimes I think it’s better to just get the issues out on the table.

“I know we haven’t had sex for a while. How does that make you feel?”

No blame game, just an adult conversation.

That can even lead to other types of relationships - open etc.

If you don’t talk about things then nothing will ever get resolved.

I know you’re absolutely right, but for some reason, I just don’t feel at all comfortable talking about it with him and I know he gets very embarrassed and uncomfortable.

When we met, he was older and still a virgin. I had more experience in that department and I’m not sure he’s ever felt super confident in that area.

I have also become slightly obsessed with this other person, which is just ridiculous.
I can’t stop thinking about them.
I adore my Husband though, but we don’t really even kiss anymore, just cuddles, massages etc.

We have been through so much over the past few years, it’s been stressful!

I think I’m just a little upset about how I’m feeling.

I also feel absolutely terrible that I just found out the person I can’t stop thinking about isn’t gay and into women and how that made me feel when I found out. I get a crazy pain in my tummy, nervous, excited butterflies. I feel there’s been chemistry, but it’s totally inappropriate for many reasons.

I feel sad for feeling like this and think about our gorgeous children, who are complex with special needs.