Unusual problem with DH help!

[Sweetdealer]

Does anyone else have this issue please as I don’t know what to do and it’s really putting me off him.

I keep overhearing what I think is him muttering under his breath. The last time I clearly heard him a couple of months ago he was very derogatory about me. Like “oh she’s thick as shit” that kind of thing. I’ve just heard him doing it again even though I challenged him last time and told him I don’t like it. I’m now paranoid he’s doing it everytime I leave the room. We had a kind of little to and fro about the kids uniform tonight and it was nothing serious all just silly banter but I heard him then muttering under his breath again. I couldn’t hear the exact words. Does anyone else get this and how do you deal with it?

No not from my adult partner. However My kids have done it a couple of times and I have exploded with them. It is childish, passive aggressive and very rude. Would he do it to his boss? No. So why does he think he can be so rude to you. If he doesn’t agree with you he should have the bulls to politely say it to your face.

He calls you thick as shit?
That’s not unusual that awful. I’d be inclined to tell him to explain precisely and directly what he’s taken issue with in a way that doesn’t make him come across like a total wanker.

I'd be tempted to start doing at as well and then gaslighting him when challenged. But I can be a petty hot head. It's definitely not something I would stand for, bloody ignorant.

I’d tell him to his face he’s a pathetic cowardly shit and if he has something to say have the lady balls to say it to my face and converse like adults.

If you are too scared to say it to his face then you have bigger problems in your relationship then his mutterings

Beware of contempt
Huge factor in the downfall
Of relationships

Well he’s told me tonight that I “always fail” so where do I go from there!

You prove him wrong. Get a solicitor, leave him and live happily ever after.

Win!

@Sweetdealer

Well he’s told me tonight that I “always fail” so where do I go from there!

As far away from him as possible As quickly as possible.

For some reason he wants you to feel like you are useless or not good enough. There is no reason a normal human being would wish their partner to feel like that. It's abuser territory. And you need to boost away from this person before he destroys your self esteem. And also, your children's, because they see you being spoken to like that and hanging around and so they will assume it is acceptable when bullies talk to them that way too.

so where do I go from there

Go to see a solicitor. Seriously.

He is starting to chip away at your self esteem and he will get worse. You need to get away from him before this 'low-key- emotional abuse ramps up.

This smacks of contempt for you. Not good. You have a lot of thinking to do because your relationship is very strained.

You reply with ‘yes I did fail …. At marrying you.’ Then leave

Outside possibility as this reminds me of my younger sons lack of internal edit. He is now an adult with ASD. In his case his intellect lets him hide most pitfalls from others EXCEPT he has no internal edit switch. Whatever crosses his mind is usually verbalised. He says it like he sees it pretty much all of the time. Mostly he is muttering his ideas to himself. However he will go and think when it has been pointed out to him his edit switch was very clearly off around others. Sometimes he even applogises if he can work out why someone might have been cross/upset by his expressed words. It is at its worse and most noticable when he is stressed.
That said if it was down to one of the weirder switchbacks from the triad of impairments you would also notice other quirky, odd and even strange things you could not quite put your finger on.

If he's muttering, just shout ''speak up at the back!'' - like an old fashioned school teacher.