What the hells his problem!?

[Totaldick]

After 11 years of being a sahm, on the brink of suicide cus of his abuse, I have finally managed to get a job where I earn my own money. I work 37.5 hours a week, plus an extra 40 hours overtime, run all the household, absolutely everything, he doesn't lift a finger at all. After endless arguments of me not being able to get a job I thought things would improve, however since I've been working (December) he constantly asks about my money, how much I have and why I don't get it paid into his account. Is this normal, acceptable?! That I should be ashamed that I don't contribute more towards the bills than I currently do. I pay for all kids stuff, all food items £100 per week plus, £240 for bills plus car insurance and anything that breaks. Am I mad or amibu? Sorry for the offload but I'm literally alone and am going nuts thinking about it.

Yeah you're mad.

You've stayed with an abusive man for may years and you're surprised that he's still being abusive?

Get. Rid. Of. Him.

Are you married? I really, really hope not. Who owns the house?

@Natty13

Yeah you're mad.

You've stayed with an abusive man for may years and you're surprised that he's still being abusive?

Sorry, op, but this 100%

He's a prick, you've always known he's a prick, and he won't be changing. Time to move on.

Yup married 15yrs this year. He owns the house. I know u are all right, I guess you just need to hear from someone else when you are so used to being gaslighted and abused fir long you become kind if immune. It's very sad.

You don't have to stay sad. That's a choice. Get a divorce and move on.

So glad you've got a job. Now leave your abuser.

@Totaldick

Yup married 15yrs this year. He owns the house. I know u are all right, I guess you just need to hear from someone else when you are so used to being gaslighted and abused fir long you become kind if immune. It's very sad.

No;he doesn't own the house;you both do regardless of if your name is on the deeds;it's a marital accept and your entitled to a minimum of 50% of the equity.

*asset

@Totaldick

Yup married 15yrs this year. He owns the house. I know u are all right, I guess you just need to hear from someone else when you are so used to being gaslighted and abused fir long you become kind if immune. It's very sad.

I'm sorry but he doesn't own the house. A lengthy marriage like yours is, it is a joint asset of the relationship. The starting point for division would be 50/50 and then allowances for unequal earnings, pensions etc.

You can get a free half an hour consultation with a lot of family lawyers - if I were you I would seek advice 👍

While you are planning your exit, open a bank account of your own and have your money direct deposited to your own account. Then transfer a fair amount to the family/joint account. If there is no joint account, then pay bills directly from yours. DO NOT put money into his account.

It's very lucky you are married. I would arrange to see a solicitor ASAP and speak to them about what would happen to finances if you split up.

His 'problem' is that you're gaining some independence and earning your own money.

He actually thinks that you should now use YOUR money to pay all the bills etc, so that

1. Your financial 'independence' is in tatters.
2. His finances get a huge boost, so he can either spend more or save more (but only for/on himself, NOT his 'family' ffs)
3. He can 'control' you better again.

Keep YOUR money 100% away from him !

Tell him that you want a divorce, and get yourself and your DC as far away from his abuse as possible !

He never actually wanted you to get a job OP. It was just an easy target that he could use to make you feel bad. But now you have got a job you are taking the first steps to freedom. Build up some savings of your own, and see a lawyer.