I'm sure it's normal but it's doing my head in because I'm the one mainly instigating this. Sometimes I think it's best and sometimes I wonder if it's not.
There have been many issues over the past couple of years, I'm not interested in sex, he seems to have gone sex mad and I just feel like that's all he cares about. There is no physical reason for me not to want sex, I think it's mental because he's told me he's not happy with our sex life, it's not exciting enough, he feels like he's missing out on things because I won't do them and we don't do it often enough.
We are living apart but the sex pressure is still on and when I said I had had my results back about potential early menopause and they were fine so my sex aversion was likely mental he asked for naughty pictures to try spice things up.
I'm flip flopping between staying and going. Part of me wants to leave, I can't live with the sulking around sex, wondering if it's ever going to be enough, not to mention the times he's touched me whilst he gets himself off after I've said no. I read up on sexual coercion and it's almost him to a T, I told him this and suggested he needs some help but he thinks thinking about sex all the time is normal and that I'm just so hot he can't help himself.
I think I've become very dependent on him, we've been together since we were 20, we are now 35 with 2 kids. At the beginning sex was very frequent but over the years and especially after kids it's tailed off. I never realised it was an issue until he brought it up.
I have had wobbles over the marriage previously but I put that down to lockdown when we were together a lot more than normal and my mental health was on the floor due to having my life taken away from me..
Sex and intimacy aside we get on so well and he's like my best friend. I have to admit that intimacy does feel a bit unnatural and I find myself avoiding hugs etc which obviously hurts his feelings.
We are on the waiting list for counselling but I'm not sure what they can do if I'm feeling a bit off about intimacy.
I wonder if maybe it's best we parted ways because we aren't meeting each other's needs and we are just going round in circles. Maybe I'm being selfish trying to stay in a marriage where one of us views sex as a major deal and one of us doesn't just because he is my best friend. He's the person I want to tell things to but he's not the person I want to have sex with although to be honest I don't want sex at all. I signed up to some dating websites out of curiosity but the first message I got I ran a mile from, I have no desire for sex at all. Quite happy going without.
When I think about the bad stuff that's gone on, the coercive stuff, the fact I've never felt good enough for him, the put me downs said as a joke I think I need to leave but I remember the good times and my desire for a family unit and I think maybe we should try. I don't want an unhappy family unit, I want to feel content and I haven't for a while and it does make me sad.
In a way I want him to tell me we are over for good, then I can grieve for the happy times we have had and the future we may have had and then dust myself off and get on with life. I think it's because I'm the main instigator and I'm so unsure that it's that much harder.
Maybe it's a bit like Stockholm syndrome in that you become so used to something even if it's wrong that it feels safe, the outside world seems so scary....