Dating..what’s the norm now?!

[newnewnew42]

So I’m probably like many who aren’t able /don’t have time to meet other than online dating..however I’m not on any at present, that thing of ‘when your least looking’ has maybe happened and I’ve been messaged by someone.

All great so far..BUT I’m used to being with someone..regular contact and it’s hard to remember what it was like in the early stages! What’s the norm (I know that’s a varied q!) these days in how many times is good/bad? I don’t even know anymore!

What would you find reasonable/off putting? It’s hard to think ‘good they’re not needy’ to ‘are they interested?!’

Help my insecurities not mess this up please!

Everyone's idea of what's normal will vary, so someone your dating would ideally be similar to yours if it's ever going somewhere. Just watch out for extreme behaviour like contacting constantly throughout the day (likely to burn out quickly) or days without hearing anything (your something casual)
Depending on what your looking of course too, personally I'd like daily contact just to catch up/ask questions about them so I'm sure I'm learning enough about them to want to meet/carry on dating them.

There is no normal. If you are OLDing, have very low expectations and expect the worst behaviour.

It's whatever level of contact suits and feels good for you. If you feel pressured to reply more, it's wrong, if you feel like you are being ignored or kept at arms length, they are likely not right for you either. When it flows naturally between you, then you know you're into something good and you're communication styles are compatible.

Thanks! It’s hard to know! Obviously if I’m left for days it’s a no no..but lots means they’re maybe bored/too keen/desperate!!

It will depend on the individual people involved.

@newnewnew42

Thanks! It’s hard to know! Obviously if I’m left for days it’s a no no..but lots means they’re maybe bored/too keen/desperate!!

It's not hard to know. There's nothing to know.

If someone does things (including contact levels) and it makes you feel nice, stick with them. If it feels not nice (too much for you/too little for you) then don't stick with them.

Focus on meeting someone who does things the way you like them to be done, naturally and of their own volition. Don't focus on meeting someone who does things in a 'normal' way, otherwise anything unusual in you won't be catered for.

@Watchkeys yes you’re right. I understand that and although I like regular contact I know it’s not good if they are full on almost love bombing you! So far so good was just checking to see how others felt

You're missing my point. If you like lots of contact, lots of contact is good. It doesn't have to 'mean' anything, like love bombing. Sounds like your ideal partner will be quite full on because that's your preference, so if you rule out all the full-on types because you think they're love bombing, you might rule out potential happy relationships.

Love bombing becomes evident when their behaviour starts to change for the worse. Maintaining your emotional independence (which is healthy even when you're years into a successful relationship) is vital, because it will allow you to walk away if someone starts to treat you in a way you dislike.

Some couples say 'I love you' after 3 weeks and stay together happily, long term. Some see each other constantly, right from the start, and have healthy, happy relationships. Some are in touch every hour or two from day one, and are totally compatible.

You have to judge it according to how you feel. Love bombing feels good, but if it feels odd that he's proposed on date 2, there's a reason for that, and you have to listen to the 'this is odd' feeling, rather than the 'Does this fit into the love bombing' checklist. Love bombing is just a collection of keen behaviours, ones that lots of us want to see and would be healthy to see.

Thanks, I did get your point..I know exactly what you’re saying